The swank auditorium is humming with excitement. Well dressed attendees talk amongst themselves hurriedly in anticipation for the show to begin. A stage with a giant yellow curtain hangs with a giant MiddleEasy monster logo running down the center. The monster is wearing a hat and suit Nucky Thompson would find baller. Backstage a tuxedoed Bauzen peeks through the curtain, he touches his finger to the side of the headset that rests atop his dome, "It's time" he says in to the microphone. He hurriedly takes off the communication device and heads to his spot stage left. Off on the opposite side of the stage, Cat is standing calmly adorned in a fancy gown with knee socks underneath. People are rushing around in preparation for the start of the show. Zeus is up in the control box, he is completely back lit and indistinguishable except for the crimson glow of the cigar he is puffing on. On each inhale the glow illuminates his evil eyes. The pace backstage is speeding up ever faster, Elena, one of the producers, looks at her clipboard, then at her Caol Uno watch and then me. "Five, four, three" she motions two and one with her fingers and then signals for the 3 of us to head out on stage, Wayne's World style. In one fluid motion as we head onstage MiddleEasy interviewer Noel hands Bauzen an Al Pastor taco and I marvel at the flawless execution of the hand off. They must have practiced. We step out onstage squinting into the blinding light. When my vision clears I'm disoriented, Cat is smiling and Bauzen is just finishing his taco. The audience jumps to their feet.
"Hello, yes! Hi"(The crowd refuses to stop cheering. In fact it keeps getting louder) "I think we all know why we are here..."(The crowd is reaching inaudible levels of screaming to the point of sound waves starting to crack, kind of like when Michael Jordan would get announced. Levels of cheering Kobe Bryant will never hear) Thanks for coming to the MiddleEasy Comment Awards. The pandemonius applause has reached a level not seen since the Beatles reached United States soil in 1963. You can't even hear what we are saying anymore. People are crying, bawling in fact. Tearing at their clothes. Despite the fact that our audience is largely male, there is a disturbingly large amount of bras being thrown on the stage along with roses. Cat picks up a rose, puts it between her teeth and starts doing some sort of salsa dance. Bauzen pulls out a broken down cardboard box and starts breakdancing. People are starting to get trampled in the crowd. Fans are throwing up in the aisles. All out of pure excitement for the awards show of the century.
Welcome to the 2010 MiddleEasy Reader Comment Awards!
After 67 minutes of non stop screaming the crowd finally lays down exhausted and we are on our way.
Our first award of the night actually goes to a group of people. Just about every commenter in what we like to call the "Official Brown Pride thread" is feuding. Click the link and enjoy comment feuds that only race discussions and Nazi themed MMA wear can bring about. Our first award goes to everyone in the following thread.
[div2 class="highlight1"] (Anonymous) Zeus you are an idiot how can you even compare your gay tattoo of a guy you had a crush on in college to Cains symbolic reasons, his reasons in my opinion makes complete sense, i'm curious to know why you decide to bash a Latino and his pride in his heritage (pick one of the following
A. You are a white or Black racist
B. You are a Pocho who hates real Mexicans
C. Pissed off because he kicked Nog's ass whom you also have a crush on. [/div2]
More can be read here.
I enjoy a warm bath. That is a true statement about me. If you don't enjoy a warm bath you are a fool and a liar. Most people want their online avatar to be some weird amalgamation of a fighters name and upper and lower case X's. Example: xXFedorisGAWDXx. Props to I_enjoy_a_warm_bath for keeping it real.
You know you're a dork when everytime someone says "link" you think of a green tunic'd boy with a master sword playing an ocarina. Maybe we need to work together to bring back the full moniker of "link": Hyperlink. I think that is the way to go purely based off rawesomeness. Everything sounds cooler with "hyper" in front of it. HyperFedor, HyperUbereem, HyperMiddleEasy, HyperSakuraba
I think you get the point. Here is the award for best commenter link from a March 4th article entitled 'Vadim Finkelstein clears the air on Mousasi leaving M1 and Fedor's contract negotiations'
Sadly, we don't know the name of the commenter. That's OK, it will save us on the catering bill after the show.
[div2 class="highlight1"] (Anonymous) fedor is just the best...and for long time, he just need to fight in the UFC because there is today the right competition for him...
The complete 35 fights of Fedor Emelianenko are here: www.mmajudo.net/.../[/div2]
You cant spell Shakespeare with eloquent or vice versa, so nothing of what I just wrote made sense. Get over it. Here is our award for the most eloquent comment which is from the 'The Henderson vs. Shields poster is surprisingly dope' article written on March 2nd 2010.
[div2 class="highlight1"](BallPtPenTheif) Look at that leathery unsympathetic face staring into the gazing visage of a chill bro frat boy. Shields is fucked.[/div2]
It's hard to decide who has the "best" out of context comment, but after weeks of deliberation I think we did a pretty admirable job. Here is yet another unnamed commenter taking home the "prize" for this comment on the 'Every 7-11 Slurpee tastes better when it's coming from Fedor's holographic head' article from September 27th 2010.
[div2 class="highlight1"](Anonymous) Cant wait to suck all the fluid out of Fedor.[/div2]
Nick Diaz gets mentioned in the majority of our comment sections even if the article isn't about him. To observe Nick Diaz truthfully and thoughtfully may be one of the most complex tasks the human brain will ever have to face. Here is this years winner for best Nick Diaz observation from the 'Watch this never-before-seen video of Nick Diaz going into beast-mode with a pair of nunchucks' on November 27th 2010.
[div2 class="highlight1"] (Maggie Con) Do you ever get the feeling that what Nick Diaz really wanted to be when he grew up was a Ninja Turtle, but when he was unable to find any mutagen he decided to become a mixed martial artist instead?[/div2]
The Prodigy is one of MMA's true superstars and enduring figures. Any time you fight at 4 different weight classes and go on one of the most dominate tears through the lightweight division in the sports history you will have an award based off the mere acknowledgment of your existence on this mortal coil. Check out this comment from the July 20th 2010 article 'Watch Alan Belcher rear naked choke an infant'
[div2 class="highlight1"] (Anonymous) im 90% sure thats bj penn getting choked[/div2]
I think this next comment from our The Top Ten MMA Fighters You Should Build A Shrine To on January 14th 2010 speaks for itself.
[div2 class="highlight1"] (boloblack) Genki Sudo! The only man I would ever make love to.[/div2]
The best advice is simple and to the point, almost common sense. Common sense is not found easily in Internet message boards where anonymity is king and the topic of discussion is generally about people punching each other in the face willingly, but every once and awhile a ray of truth shines on us all. Check out this comment from a December 13th 2010 article called 'Bobby Green talks about the bully that refused to fight him in Bully Beatdown'
[div2 class="highlight1"](Buzzkick) I don't understand why any of the bullies fight at all. Why not refuse to go on the show and just keep bullying kids? Save yourself an ass kicking.[/div2]
Things can turn ugly quickly in these comment sections, you can almost always tell at what point the friendly discussion has turned a corner and the $%&# has gotten real. Here is our award for the comment that best exemplified this notion from 'Chael Sonnen told the CSAC about his use of illegal performance enhancing drugs BEFORE UFC 117' on September 21st 2010.
[div2 class="highlight1"] (Anonymous) I call that socialist behaviour.
Claiming freedom for it's citizens by the government but allowing private companies to treat them like cattle and do what they want - no matter if building private armies or demanding blood tests for their future employees.
With all those technical advances some 20 year old won't get a job he qualifies for because there's a 35% possibility to get a heart attack in his late 40's or a 60% chance to go blind at age 50 due to an inheritable eye disease.
Fuck this shit.[/div2]
It's shocking how many history majors frequent MiddleEasy. A lot of different comments were in the running for this award, but ultimately, this entire thread deserves the nod for greatest history lesson. Check out an excerpt from this 'If you had any doubts that Golden Glory is taking over, check this out' from November 1st 2010.
[div2 class="highlight1"] (Anonymous) Actually it was the Canadians who dug the Germans out of the Netherlands in 1945 after the aborted Operation Market-Garden. It was a rather savage campaign as they were fighting over heavily defended islands which were very swampy so tanks were mostly useless and most of the fighting was very personal and hand to hand.
But it was a long time ago and you shouldn't let history get in the way of a good marketing campaign.[/div2]
There is someone who lovesUGG boots and we don't know who it is. We think it's some sort of family or Counterstrike clan because their names all end "Bot". Never did we expect someone to appreciate this oddly enthusiastic boot wearing, shooter loving family. Your sarcasm is ignored sir, you are awarded this year's WTF comment for the many idiotic posts you've littered MiddleEasy.com with.
[div2 class="highlight1"] (Spammer) I like your ideas about cheap ugg boots uk and I hope in the future there can be more bright articles like this from you.
Excellent point here. I wish there are more and more ugg boots uk articles like that.
You have given us some interesting points on cheap ugg boots sale. This is a wonderful article and surely worth reading.
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It has been long before I can find some useful articles about cheap ugg boots. Your views truly open my mind.
Good job for writing this brilliant article of cheap ugg boots. [/div2]
Minotauro is always around with a well timed .gif or a thought inspiring comment. There are a lot of regulars, and we love each and every one of you equally. But this year we love Minotauro just a little bit more. Minotauro, if you wish to type out an acceptance speech in the comment section go for it. Just don't make it too long or we will make the band start playing the "get off the stage" music.
From James Toney to GSP/Koscheck, there have been a lot of prophetic comments last year, but none rang more true than this comment by yet another nameless reader on the 'Watch a sneak peak of the fighters on TUF 11' article on March 1st 2010. (At least we didn't have to spend a lot of dough buying prizes for these unknown guys). [div2 class="highlight1"]
(Anonymous) It's pretty much going to be the same bullshit as the last 5 seasons. It's gonna suck and the fights are going to be boring as hell and half of the guys are going to look horribly shabby and out of shape. All fighting for some lame ass really vague 6 figure contract that we never hear anything about. And I will still watch every damn episode and spend half of my thursdays talking to my friends about how much of a douchebag Dana White is and that Tito can kiss my ass and that Chuck Liddell should stick to the club scene in Vegas banging hot chicks. Why? Because I am a loser doucher MMA fan like the rest of you.
There are lots of comments directed at the authors of MiddleEasy, but no comment was taken more seriously or even followed through on by Zeus or any other member of the staff than this one on a November 10th 2010 article called 'Bjorn Rebney says that we are 'ridiculous' and have 'no connection with reality'' :
(CardboardCockchest) Naughty Zeus, go to your room and you are banned from playing Eddie Alvarez for 1 week in EA Sports MM
This award could also be called the comment that was most un-prophetic, however it is wrong on a few different levels. As we all know now, this Strikeforce middleweight title fight took place mostly on the feet with Jacare "out pointing" Kennedy utilizing much improved boxing and muay-thai skills. This comment is from MiddleEasy reader RJB on the July 4th 2010 edition of The Sunday Morning Rumor Mill. Congrats on the win!
[div2 class="highlight1"](RJG) ...Tim Kennedy vs. Jacare, aka pretzel match of the year.[/div2]
The Graphic interchange Format was made popular by Compuserve in the late 80's/early 90's and without it our lives would be void of short yet hilarious clips depicting actions that must be viewed hundreds of times in low resolution.
The winner for the greatest .gif of 2010 goes to Deo Wade for a series of animated .gifs in the July 5th 2010 article ' The Gerald Harris power-slam made it on ESPN Sportscenter's Top Ten'
The other winner of this award brings up a great point: What would Don Frye do if he saw the botched "Star Spangled Banner" at the Butterbean/Pudz fight earlier this year? This comment is from an article written on September 19th 2010 entitled 'Let's not forget the greatest thing about Mariusz Pudzianowski vs. Butterbean...'
[div2 class="highlight1"] (devilman676) Don't let Don Frye see this.[/div2]
This award goes to the comment with the most "truth" in it. The comment that we all wish we could have plastered on those Best of Pride promo's Zuffa put into heavy rotation on Spike. This comment is from a January 6th 2010 article entitled 'Check out ZUFFA's Best of Pride promo video'. Congratulations to Face_Breaker.
(Face_Breaker) Man, this still hurts. You see something like this and it makes you want to relive the past like that hot chick that was way out of your league that you got drunk once in high school and she thought "oh what the hell" and shagged you rotten, and none of your buddies believed you....until you pulled the Polaroids out of your back pocket. That's what this show is like, the Polaroids of how good it was. *tears* *sniffs*
Oh well, I'm down, let's relive it with all the peeps that don't have all the dvd's like we do already. It's a shame they are getting a watered down version though, because they are leaving some real players out of this and that sucks.
And now, the moment everyone has been waiting for. The greatest and funniest comment posted on MiddleEasy in 2010 is from an anonymous member in the June 5th 2010 article 'Watch Joe Rogan choke a guy over an argument about immigration'.
[div2 class="highlight1"](Anonymous) 2010-06-05 12:26 Is the dude in the sweater and tie between them really there or is that a distress hologram from the rebel forces?[/div2]
Damn you hilarious anonymous people. Sign up for an account so next year you can take part in the festivities.
All winners will be contacted this week and will receive an official MiddleEasy shirt designed by Scottish artist, David Shrigley, that will never be sold anywhere on this planet.