Yesterday, the UFC signed a distribution deal with Asia's ASN HD Sports channel. If you're reading this, then that following statement means nothing to you. ASN will start by broadcasting all those UFC Unleashed shows which will lead up to UFC 112: Maia vs. Silva. If you throw a rock at a TV, you'll probably hit an episode of UFC Unleashed. You'll also have a broken television. People have already jumped the shark and are hailing this distribution deal as the 'Return of Pride' and I'll be damned if I don't try to give this rumor some steam. Check out this poster floating around on the net of Pride 35 scheduled to go down November 13th 2010.

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Rural Georgia is a strange and scary place. Camouflage is all the rage here and people drive around in monster trucks with gun racks in the back window, dead deer in the truck bed and bumper stickers that say, 'The south will rise again'. Its common to drive down a paved road to have it suddenly turn to gravel. In fact, not too long ago I drove down a random side road only to have it dead end into a gravel road called 'Supper Club Rd'. On one side of the road were a bunch of cemetery grave markers and on the other side was a house with a 43 foot tall confederate flag post out front and an entire living room set on the front porch with the refrigerator in the yard. Creepy. Since there was no other place to turn around I pulled into the driveway and a giant man wearing nothing but overalls and an eye patch stumbled around the side of the house toward my car. I immediately began to hear those creepy banjoes from that old movie 'Deliverance' and a voice saying, "you shuuuur do have a purty mouth". As I made the tires on my little Hyundai kick rocks and peel out, a pack of about 12 rabid looking pit bulls come from behind the man and ran at my car. If my Hyundai had nitrous I would have used it that day. So scary.

Well, that's not all that's scary about rural Georgia. Apparently, there's a bunch of 12 year olds that can kick our asses out here too. They started their own version of Fight Club in the middle school bathroom, where they bang it out for thirty straight seconds and then return to class as though nothing has happened. Pretty raw, check it out below:

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Screw the whales, they can help themselves. Don't worry about the war on terrorism, you can't fight an idea. Stop banging against internet piracy, as a wiseman once said 'You can't stop the internet, baby'. Screw all of those imaginary battles, we need a friggin superhero specifically designed to stop hat thievery in MMA. Screw that, maybe we don't. That would be an incredible waste of a monthly comic book series. Check out Lookoutawhale's new MMA flick documenting the rampant hat thievery in MMA.

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Just when you thought you were ready to go to bed, EA slaps everyone in the face with new screens of a plethora of fighters, venues, character damage and enough Nick Diaz pics to have you wake up in the middle of the night and scream at your roommate for taking your shoe. Check out the Fedor vs. Monson pic, is that the Dream white cage...or are you just happy to see me? Regardless, check out these newly released screen caps of EA Sports MMA. [Source]

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Jamie Varner, if you're reading this we realize that you thought of the whole 'Mountain Dew/WEC' promotion idea and we're sorry that Urijah Faber stole the concept from you. If I meet him, I'll let him know that you disapprove of his actions. Alternatively, if I meet General Tso, I'm going to tell him thank you...for all the years of his wonderful chicken. If General Tso's army went hungry, I would be very disappointed. Check out this video of Urijah Faber being made into a Mountain Dew icon. [Source]

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I hope we all live to see the day in which James Toney will host the Academy Awards. That's not asking a lot, it really isn't. Just stick the dude in front of a microphone with an audience of millions and after his two-hour rant about how he's an expert 'death warrior', they could get on with the award show. If James Toney jacked the mic from Taylor Swift, it would be followed by a lecture on how Beyonce Knowles will never be able to take him to the ground. Scientists should separate the brains of Wallid Ismail and James Toney so that each person gets a half of the other's brain. That's the only way trash-talking can truly elevate to the 4th dimension. Fighthype.com caught up with James Toney regarding Randy Couture's request to be Toney's opponent in his MMA debut and this is what he said:

Randy Couture, he respects my game like I respect his game. He's the best at what he do in his sport; I'm the best at what I do in my sport. We gonna see who has the better style and everybody know it's James Toney. If he tries to throw blow for blow with me, he definitely gonna get knocked out. That's a given, you know what I'm saying? If he tries to take me to the ground, it ain't going to be easy, you know what I'm saying? He's still gonna get knocked out. Either way, it's a lose-lose situation for him

More importantly, let's get back to this hybrid Wallid Ismail/James Toney Frankenstein that we theorized earlier. Somewhere deep within his incoherent babbling there's bound to be some groundbreaking knowledge. Actually, maybe not. I'm sorry to get your hopes up high like that. My bad, I apologize. I did the equivalent of lighting a bacon scented candle in your living room. False hopes ftw. [Source]

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For some unknown reason that could only be discovered by doing some pagan ritual, the topic of discussion in the Tapout Radio chatroom last night was the cost efficiency of Mexican prostitutes. Vinny Magalhaes chimed in to let everyone know that not only did a girl urinate on him recently, but he actually enjoyed it.

[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:27 pm: dude, i had this girl peeing on me the other night
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:27 pm: i know man, she asked to do it
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:27 pm: I let her do it
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:28 pm: yes, I'm serious
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:28 pm: It felt good , nice and warm

Wait, hold your gag reflex back just a little bit longer. Vinny went on to say that when he cornered Sokoudjou in his Pride 34 fight against Ricardo Arona, Ryo Chonan's manager arranged for three prostitutes to meet Sokoudjou and Vinny in their hotel room after the fight. That's the same Ryo Chonan that submitted Anderson Silva in Pride and King Mo calls Okama-San which means 'Mr.Gay'.

[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:36 pm: i did 2 chineses at the same time and when I went to japan to corner sokoudjou against Arona
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:37 pm: NO, THEY WERE CHINESES
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:37 pm: THEY SAID THEY WERE CHINESES
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:38 pm: I DON'T HAVE THIS "ASIAN THING", THAT'S WHAT THEY HAD AVAILABLE
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:40 pm: I DIDN'T ACTUALLY PAY
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:41 pm: RYO CHONNAN'S MANAGER PAID FOR US
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:41 pm: HE PAID 3 HOOKERS FOR EACH OF US
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:41 pm: IT WAS AWESOME!
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:41 pm: LOL
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:42 pm: ruby... i'm not making this up
[VinnyMagalhaes] 3:43 pm: yo, i'm taking off now, I have to go train

The fact that Vinny Magalhaes used caps for no apparent reason just increases the factor of hilarity by 10 points. For those of you who doubt this was really Vinny Magalhaes, dude is always in the Tapout Radio chatroom along with a crew of other fighters, pseudo-celebs and groupies. It's like a North Hollywood bar on a Wednesday night. [Source]

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It's a new week and that generally means new Weekly Polls. Most of the time it doesn't, but this week is different. This is the week in which new weekly polls will appear on the site under 'Weekly Polls'. Polls that are weekly will finally appear on the site this week. This week...alright, that's a enough. Last week we posed three questions and got some pretty wild responses. The first of these questions was "Who has the strongest kicks in MMA?". Cro Cop ran away with this poll while left high kicking guys in the head while he grabbed 42% of the vote. Coming in second was Melvin Manhoef with 18.5%. Pat Barry pulled third place with 12.9%. Second question was "Who would you like to see added in EA Sports MMA?". No surprise here, Alistair Overeem nabbed first with 48.9% of the total vote. Coming in a distant second was Genki Sudo with 21.5%. Bummer that Paulo Filho came in last place with 1.6%. This displeases the cut-off flannel. Finally we had to drop the "Which camp would you like to train in?" question. It looks like most of you guys want to train at Greg Jackson's MMA which racked up 32.2%. Blackhouse pulled in second with 30.7% of the vote. Apparently a lot of you guys want to get KOd in the gym. Randy Couture's Xtreme Couture placed third with 15%.

Now it's that time to drop a new set of questions on your weary mind, and here they are.

Who will appear on the next season of TUF?

Which fighter has the greatest chance of appearing in the next Quentin Tarantino movie?

Who will be James Toney's first opponent?

You know what to do, vote on the right side of the page as often as possible. Let's get it on.

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I can’t ever imagine a situation when Fedor would ask me for advice. In the couple of conversations I’ve had with Fedor, dude seemed like he pretty much had everything figured out. The “Baddest Man on the Planet” has been MIA since November and the world is waiting to see an official Strikeforce press release to determine his next opponent. Yes, it’s supposed to be Fabricio Werdum, but not even he knows what’s going on with Strikeforce and Fedor. If opinions were like tacos, Randy Couture’s opinion would probably be covered in caso fresco spill out onto the floor when you bite into it. Check out Randy Couture telling Fedor to get it together…son. [Source]

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