Darren Till has opened up about his feelings more than ever.
The former title challenger is no longer on the UFC roster after his latest loss to Dricus Du Plessis at UFC 282. But, Till hasn’t hit the end of the road yet as he seeks what free agency has to offer before his potential return to the Octagon.
Till Says He’s Never Fought Back Tears
Currently on a three-fight skid to the best middleweights in the world, Till has obviously seen better days. Appearing on iFL TV, ‘The Gorilla’ would get real when it comes to how he feels.
“I don’t know,” Till said, when asked if he was an emotional person. “I’ve never fought back tears. I don’t think I’ve ever cried, that hurts quite a lot. Cause, I would like to have a little cry. I feel like it probably gets out a lot, but no. I can’t get a cry out. I think I am quite emotional though. I probably am quite an emotional person in different ways, but I don’t know, maybe it’s probably not the best way to describe me, being quite an emotional person.
“I don’t know. I’ve never thought of that. Maybe I’m not [an emotional person], maybe I am. I’m definitely not cold-hearted. I’ve got a heart. Like, if I’m watching a film and we know the film’s not real and I see a kid getting hit or something like that, you know, I fucking, I’m like, oh, that’s— when you’ve got kids, it’s even more different as well. But I don’t necessarily think I’m one of the most emotional persons about life.”
‘I’m Fighting Demons Right Now’
While Till may not the most emotional person, the 30 year-old says he is still fighting his ‘inner demons’ to this day after many years of being alone.
“Yeah, I’m fighting demons right now,” Till said. “I really am fighting a few demons right now. I’ve had to fight quite a few. I don’t wanna sound like I’ve had a hard life, but it’s also been me against the world. I haven’t had a lot of people around me, where like, I don’t know how to say this, like loving people around me. Like, I haven’t really got a good relationship with my family, some of my family members and stuff like that. I’ve basically, I’ve been on my own since I was 15. I’ve got my kids and all that and stuff and my girlfriend. I mean, apart from that, it’s sort of just me.
“I just think all of us fighters obviously, especially, it’s a hard sport: fighting. It’s lonely. I think we’re all just fighting some kind of demons and I think most of us deal with it, all of us, deal with it in different ways.”
‘I’ve Changed My Mind’
Till wasn’t always a fan of speaking about his mental health. It wasn’t until recently that he changed his tune when it came to seeking psychological help from therapists and other professionals.
“I think as I sit down at night and I take stock of everything, like my life, my personal life, my financial life, stuff I’ve done long stuff I haven’t done. I do take stock of a lot of it, even like the demons. I do like to think about it all and I like to think about it logically. Whether it works or not, it’s just the way I do things,” Till said. “To be honest, I’ve always been one of them guys that [didn’t need to speak about their problems]. I’ve changed my mind. I’ve always been like, I don’t need to speak to someone about my problems and all that. But to be honest, recently I’ve been coming around to the thought that I’ve like, spoke to one or two people about things and they want to help me and stuff like that.
“So that’ll probably be a good thing to just sit down and speak to someone and just see what they say. Never done in it my life. I remember years ago, my coach Colin was like, he wanted me to work with like one of the best guys, like, I don’t know what we call him, psychologist or whatever. He was like really good with science and the brain and how it works. He was like, listen, [Tony] Bellew’s gone with him, all these guys have gone with him, try it. I was like, alright, I’ll try it, I had to once. I don’t even think I give it to the time of day. I just don’t. Once, it was like, ‘yeah, it’s not for me’.
“That’s probably the irrational side of me coming out sometimes,” Till continued. “I was just like, ‘nah, that’s not for me, doesn’t work, whatever’. I’ve changed my mind cause I’ve even read a lot about it and I’ve sat there logically and then I thought, ‘nah, hang on, this can work. You’ve just gotta make it work for you.
Why Till Changed His Mind
Till explained what he changed his mind on getting help for his mental health.
“I think maturity,” Till answered. “I think that does happen to you. I’m not saying you go from 29 to 30, cause I’m 30 now, and you all of a sudden get mature. I just think years go by and you just grow up. I was like 25, I’ve fucking lived in all kinds of countries since I was a kid. I’ve been a man me since I’ve been 18. I’ve been a f*cking man. But, you just get older and your brain just opens up to certain things that five years ago you wouldn’t have never like, give any time to.”