I played Wolfenstein: The New Order last year at E3, so all these ‘reviewers’ that are talking about it are a little late to the game. Bethesda Games brought me behind closed doors in their open embrace and showed me a plethora of games they’ve had under wraps for years. I also saw a very attractive Bethesda brand rep that looked like a blend between Kristin Kreuk and Miranda Kerr, but just a little bit taller. She was staring at me while I was inside Bethesda’s E3 booth, perhaps transfixed by my black MiddleEasy shirt that I wore like a enchanted armor at the event. If you’re reading this now, unknown Bethesda brand rep that I briefly saw at E3, let’s get a drink at Harvard and Stone. Don’t worry, first one is on me.
That’s how I spit game, folks — exactly like a Craigslist Missed Connections. Hang around me long enough and I’ll teach your the ways.
Now let’s watch UFC fighters play Wolfenstein: The New Order on the Fight Network and pay attention to the host Robin Black. Dude’s hair looked like was changing into a werewolf and in the middle he just say ‘Screw it, this is good.’ Robin Black looks like what every fan of Drowning Pool wanted to look like when they grew up. That shirt looks like it had sex with 1986.