This guy developed armor that prevents you from getting beat up by MMA fighters, seriously

When I was in middle school my friend Nathan and I created a full set of armor from discarded pieces of rubber and scraps of metal we found at the junk yard. We needed an engineer to help us construct the weapons for the suit, so we turned to Nathan’s cousin, a guy that just got out of jail for animal abuse (he shot cats with BB guns and then sold the meat to fine dining establishments in Sachse, Texas). He was the only guy with the knowledge to attach a flame thrower to one of our gauntlets without making something spontaneously explode in the process. At the end of a very long weekend, we had a detachable aerosol can linked up to a small tube with a lighter that would spark every time a closed fist was made in the gauntlet.

It wasn’t the most precise engineering feat in modern history, but with enough trial and error, it got the job done. Eventually Nathan used it around the cul-de-sac of his house in an attempt to impress the kids on his block. Unfortunately one of those kids had a parent that was a member of local police department, and after a particular flame thrower demonstration, Nathan was detained and questioned by the police. Eventually he ratted out his engineer cousin, and he landed back in prison while all Nathan got was grounded by his parents.

Damn, you’re the only people I’ve shared this story with. What an intimate moment we just had. Here’s another exclusive memory that I can grant you for being a loyal reader of MiddleEasy: watch this video of UWM armor, created in the event that you need to stop getting your ass kicked. Props to AFrontKicktotheFace for the +100 news tip.

Published on February 25, 2014 at 7:43 pm
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