We remember the first Ninja Turtles movie’s awesome rap single by Partners in Kryme. We remember the Ninja Rap by Vanilla Ice, something that was far catchier than it had any right to be. (It doesn’t hold up over time, either.)
We’ve now hit rock bottom.
That new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie may or may not be the worst thing to happen to the franchise, but we know that its new rap single—”Shell Shocked”—is probably one of the worst things we’ve ever heard.
Too many sound effects, too many rappers on one track, wayyy too generic.
And the lyrics? GOD, the lyrics. (H/T Rap Genius)
“Nobody do it better, all my brothers tryna get some cheddar
“We all want our cut like the Shredder
“Bought the orange Lamborghini, call it Michelangelo
“With the nunchucks doors and I’m pullin’ up slow
“Check my rolex they say I’m the man of the hour
“All this green in my pockets, you can call it turtle power”
That’s just the first third of this garbage, too. Wiz Khalifa and Juicy J don’t even rap about the Turtles at all! It’s like three shitty raps pieced together in post-production.
Everything I’ve ever loved is dead.
But you don’t have to take OUR word for it. Compare the two eras of Ninja Rap History and hear the de-evolution for yourself.