Yesterday, I forgot my lunch at home so I had to opt for a pre-made grocery store chef salad. The salad was loaded with a variety of meats, cheeses, and of course colorful vegetables. I ate this salad without dressing and while doing so I had an amazing epiphany. I figured out the reasons for all of our problems as a society–ranch dressing. That’s right, I am telling you that ranch dressing is the reason we are headed straight for armageddon. Stop and think about it.
Prior to ranch dressing people ate their chicken plain. They didn’t need some seasoned creamy dressing to cover up the sting of some blazing hot sauce. Prior to ranch dressing when your Mom made you eat your vegetables you had to suffer through those soggy brussel sprouts, peas or broccoli without something to protect your taste buds from a little unpleasantry. Now you see people putting ranch dressing on everything. As a matter of fact if you watch TI’s new reality show you can see him put ranch dressing on a fruity dessert. Three letters come to mind and they are ‘w’, ‘t’ , and ‘f’.
Ranch dressing has made us all spoiled cowardly crybabies. We are a society of betas now. It’s allowed us to cover up life’s little unpleasantries instead of making us muscle our way through them. That is some deep imagery induced by a $5.79 grocery store salad. Ranch dressing is symbolic for anything that can be used to gloss over difficult situations and allow us to get by without really feeling or tasting the true essence of an experience. Well today at lunch instead of drowning your salad in a cup of cholesteral laden partially hydrogenated white goo, take some time inspiring yourself to toughen back up by watching the world premiere of this promo from our friends over at Take On Productions. You know you’d rather watch smashing knees to the dome and demolishing body kicks than eat today anyway.
Take On Productions in conjunction with MSG Sports NYC is leading the way in combat sports in the New York area. The show is always class act with banging fights. The next event is December 16th at the 7 Train Theater. If you are in the NY area don’t miss it.