Three out of four of the most watched MMA events in history belong to Kimbo Slice. Regardless of whether he wins, dude is going no where. That massive beard is hiding an ATM machine that ZUFFA will be withdrawing from for the rest of his career. There’s nothing like watching a guy that shaves only one side of his chest in order to have a clean surface for his gold teeth to reflect off of. Kimbo Slice is going to retire in the UFC. Dude is going nowhere like Mandy Moore’s singing career (it’s alright, she’s still hot. Actually she’s really hot). In a recent interview, Kimbo Slice plans on not drinking, smoking or having any sex until after UFC 113. Afterward, the dude apparently plans to party like it’s 1999 (before y2k did nothing to civilization).
“Banging against a dude who was also in the house on the opposite team. I might come out there with my Team Rampage shorts on [smiles]. Keep that thing going. Everyday that goes by, I’m learning. If anyone has a very good chance of whooping me… they shoulda done it yesterday or the day before. I’d kill myself if I fought myself that was a street fighter. There’s no comparison. I mean I can eat a few hits. I don’t care what he’s throwing, he ain’t going to knock me out. That ain’t going to happen. I’m ready for this [expletive], man. He beat two of my boys, man. I gotta redeem these guys by putting an ass-whooping on him. I’m not going to try and go to the ground, but if it goes there, I’ll just pound him out. I know submissions, I know some ground game, but I’m old-fashioned, dude. My thing is to be knocked out or to knock the dude out. That’s how I want to go out. I know the UFC fans want to see me knock this guy out. They want to see me knock somebody the fuck out. Hell, that’s what I want to see. No sex, no smoking, no drinking… until after the fight [laughs]. Then we party!”
Dude looks like my elementary school cafeteria cook that used to hook us up with an extra chicken fried steak on Fridays. Kimbo looks like a guy that knows how to cook, he wouldn’t have made it this far in life if he didn’t. For those you who aren’t familiar on your Kimbolore, dude was homeless and lived under a bridge in his 1987 green Pathfinder with four mismatched tires. He taped grocery bags on his broken windows to keep the rain out and he took baths on the beach off the coast of Florida. Now he’s the biggest name in MMA. Give him his bread (he deserves it). [Source]
