Joe Son and his 275 years in prison

Joe Son is an innovator. After watching his buddy Kimo Leopoldo come just short of a win over Royce Gracie, he dug deep into his Chi and created “Joe Son Do” – which was designed specifically to defeat Gracie Jujitsu and all other fighting styles. Unfortunately, he became the only known practitioner of Joe Son Do and left the MMA world with a perfect 0-4 record.

MiddleEasy was under the impression that Joe Son had gone back to the drawing board to refine his craft and was well on his way to rocking the heavyweight division once again, maybe even resigning with UFC. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

Joe Son (dude was in Austin Powers) has been sitting in prison on $1,000,000 bail for a nearly year for an alleged gang-rape charge stemming back to 1990. TMZ broke the story last year and although there are several versions of what allegedly happened…it went down something like this:

Joe Son was already in custody for an unrelated vandalism charge (to which he pleaded guilty) and was asked for a DNA sample when he violated his parole. After running tests on his ‘baby batter’, investigators somehow linked him as being one of several suspects who blindfolded a woman, sodomized, pistol-whipped and raped before cutting her loose naked somewhere in the woods.

Most convicted criminals have the book thrown at them. Joe Son had the entire library. Here’s a breakdown:

5 felony counts of rape
2 felony counts of forcible sodomy
2 felony counts of in concert by force (we don’t even know what that means)
7 felony counts of forcible oral copulation
1 felony count of sexual penetration by foreign object by force

If convicted, Joe Son faces up to 275 years in prison. We don’t even know what most of that means, those words have entirely too many letters for us. The highest we go is ‘rawesome’ and on the rare occasion ‘rawesomite’. Joe Son can now say hello to Lee Murrary on the list of former UFC fighters that have done ridunkulous crimes and will pay equally ridunkulous prison sentences. 

Published on August 27, 2009 at 9:33 pm
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