Why even pretend like we want to see Jean Claude Van Damme for any other reason besides recreating that creepy hug/kiss combo that we all saw at Affliction: Banned? How can I possibly describe what happened during that emotional exchange without being reported to the ACLU? It was the sort of affection a mother gives their son just before they’re boarding the school bus. Even that description pales in comparison to how truly strange the hand on Fedor’s face slowly moved down his chest as Jean Claude Van Damme maintained eye-contact.
According to the Urban Dictionary, the term ‘Jean Claude Van Damme’ can also be used as a personal modifier to ‘place emphasis on a certain observation about a person, usually oneself’. An example of this can be ‘Jean Claude Van DAMME, I look good tonight’. Alternatively, you can also use the term as in ‘that strange, bizarre and unexpected kiss between those two guys was Jean Claude Van DAMME!’. At least, that’s the only way I would use it when I’m not in a ‘Bloodsport’ or ‘Universal Soldier’ conversation.
On Facebook, Jean-Claude Van Damme published a video of himself training with Georges St. Pierre along with a few snippets of both men doing amazing things that normal humans can only dream of.
If you can tell me that you’ve never acted out the final scene of Bloodsport where a blind Jean-Claude Van Damme screams while aimlessly looking into the distance, then I can never trust you. That’s it. Our relationship was based on a string of 1980s mildly cult-classical films and now it’s over. Go talk to Larry over there with the red flannel and the horrible taste of movies. You two may have something in common. Now check out this video of JCVD training with GSP and you will have fulfilled every responsibility you have this week.
