Big Country is now a Gracie black-belt

Everybody get those KFC two-for-one coupons and barrels of Sam’s Club mayonnaise out so we can celebrate Roy Nelson getting his black-belt from Renzo Gracie last week. Big Country just proves that if you judge a book by it’s cover, that book will submit you in a key-lock, force you to tap out and then fondle it’s belly afterward. Nelson’s belt was created by stitching together the remains of 12 other belts Big Country decimated during his ceremony. I had to make that joke, I was literally obligated to. I’m sure Roy Nelson will not mind. If a dude is named ‘Big Country’, seems like a lot of things sort of just roll off his back…or his belly. Another belly joke, I’m pretty much writing the ‘Ground-and-Pound Zeus until he no longer can have children’ contract and handing it over to Roy Nelson. Roy is the type of guy you take to a buffet and he actually maps out a plan before snatching a plate. The term ‘All you can eat’ is not a guideline, but a challenge to him. They should change it to ‘In-between all of what Olga Sherer can eat and a quarter of what Roy Nelson can eat’. That would give the cooks a fair chance. A ‘cookers chance’.

So what does a black-belt mean for Roy Nelson? It means you can hide a third-world country in Nelson’s belly. It also means that you don’t have to be from South-America and have a superhuman six-pack to be a master Brazilian jujitsu practitioner. If Roy Nelson can do it so can you. So get off your sofa and place that bag of chili-cheese Fritos down. Well, maybe you can keep the chili-cheese Fritos. Roy Nelson said so. [Source]

Published on September 1, 2009 at 1:21 pm
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