Before the Bellator championships, humans had mysteries like ‘Who built the pyramids’, ‘What happens after we die?’ ‘Who shot JFK?’ ‘What the hell happened to my Corona that I ‘lost’ on my balcony last night’. Now humans have to ask Why does the Bellator championship only air on ESPN Deportes? It’s the single greatest mystery we have left in this world.
Airing Bellator on ESPN Deportes is like making Philly cheese steaks the official food of Morocco. Its like issuing Swiss army knives to the Cambodian military. It’s like eating Chinese food in Montana. To experience Bellator for every ounce of sheer rawesomeness (we made that word up) that it is, you’re going to have to drop the extra $39.95 to order the Spanish package from your satellite provider. Nothing is wrong with that, we all love our telenovelas (not to mention Caliente or as I know it, ‘The only reason to wake up early on a satuday for’).
But come on. You’re killing us Bellator. Don’t Morocco philly cheesesteak us. And if you do, then we don’t care because we’ll probably just order the Spanish package anyway. Damnit, argument lost. Bellator X happens tonight at (Yes!) but airs tomorrow (Wtf man) at 9pm on ESPN Deportes.