A Lesson in Street MMA: History is made as a dude bats 1.000 – 5 punches, 5 knockdowns

There’s multiple lessons to be learned in this incredible edition of Street MMA, but there’s almost always more than one lesson to be learned in the only fighting organization not to take place within a geometrical shape. 

Of course, lesson one is the old standby: learn to film properly with your phone. My entirely unscientific research has led me to believe that roughly 80% of the human population doesn’t know how to point their phone in order to record in the proper aspect ratio. It’s not hard to do, just hold your phone sideways. 

Maybe it’s because so many people are in the heat of the moment and want to get recordin’ but I have a feeling it’s Idiocracy sinking it’s claws deeper into society. I mean, these combatants are, after all, fighting in a gas station parking lot in a cutoff T-shirt and camouflage cargo shorts. Which, of course, in itself isn’t a crime against higher, or even mediocre intelligence, but when combined with the fact that you are engaging another man in combat while hoopin’ and hollerin’ in a gas station, the chance is that you own a gun rack and have watched ICP’s hardcore wrestling organization. God bless America.

Lesson 2 is that you shouldn’t let the adrenaline get to you. Yeah, you have a bunch of dudes that may also be wearing camouflage shorts, and in solidarity you may feel like you can conquer the world, but adrenaline is also what leads a lot of people directly towards a world of pain. Take this video for example. Clearly some transgression passed to make this fight get okayed by the matchmakers, but it’s still absolutely OK to walk away from a fight. Don’t follow the crowd. Would you jump off a bridge if that bridge was wearing camouflage shorts too?

Lesson 3 is to put your hands up. Damn.

Lesson 4 is that the crowd will turn on you if you get blasted in spectacular fashion, even if you initially get sucker punched. But hey, when you walk up on a dude and you’re posturing for a fight, you should be ready if you’re within striking distance. Maybe this dude just didn’t realize he was fighting Dhaslim. I dunno. 

And in the end, the final lesson is that you probably should never get into another scrap again if you get dropped 5 times in 5 punches. What a killer jab.

Published on July 30, 2014 at 3:19 pm
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