Unfortunate camera work ruins a nice slam knockout. It’s still pretty cool though

Imagine being Gavin Kelly’s friend, family member or teammate. Arms draped over the side of the cage as Kelly touches gloves, nods and makes his way to his corner. This is it, you look down on your iPhone 4s, confirming to yourself that the little red circle is indeed bright red, meaning it’s recording. Stanley Kubrick got his start on the streets of New York, with a crappy hand-me-down camera. The technology in your hand is 100x more advanced than what put us on the moon. You’re going to do Gavin Kelly proud. He’s your friend, a family member, or maybe a teammate.

Gavin fills up the screen as the phone gently rests in your hands. You don’t have the shakes. You were born for this. My God if only Gavin could see you now, proud, hanging off this cage, shooting him in a manner that would make even Esther Lin blush. “My ass probably looks pretty good up here,” you think. Then your mind wanders to all of the people in the audience, looking at your ass, liking it. You smirk to yourself as the bell rings.

“C’mon, Gavin!” You exclaim to yourself through gritted teeth. You know he can do this, and as Gavin’s friend, family member or teammate, you can’t help but have your heart begin a rhythmic pounding in your chest. 

Gavin grabs hold of his opponent. BOOM BOOM BOOM. 

“Do it, Gavin.” 

“Do it.” 

Then Gavin lifts his ginger opponent into the air and slams him on his head in devastating fashion. Yes! He did it! His glorious victory has been captured forever, and YOU were the one to do it. You’re perfect. The best. A future awaits you in fight sport cinematography. You’re going to turn down requests for autographs at first, but with a chuckle and a nod (maybe even a moment in which you lock eyes with your adoring fan) you’ll eventually give in. “Of course I’ll sign that for you.”

After Gavin’s failed dismount and concerned looks toward his downed opponent, you click the bright little red button, making the color darken. “Time to watch this again.” you think. 

Then you watch, and the aspect ratio is completely ****ed and you missed the slam. 

You blew it. 

It’s still pretty cool though.

Published on August 4, 2014 at 5:43 pm
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