The Janitor’s hands disinfects the consciousness of Jason Brillz

If you expect your bathroom to be scrubbed daily, Vladimir Matyshenko is the most unreliable janitor in the world. They call him ‘The Janitor’ because he cleans people’s clocks, not toilets. Sort of like that guy in The Professional. They called him a cleaner and all he did was spend his days assassinating people, drink milk and have a weird pseduo-pedophilia relationship with Natalie Portman. A really young Natalie Portman. Gary Oldman was in that movie as some dreadlocked gangster rasta guy so it was sort of amazing. Actually, there was a dreadlocked gangster rasta guy in that movie…but it wasn’t Gary Oldman. However, Gary Oldman did play a dreadlocked gangster rasta guy in ‘True Romance‘ which so happens to be Jay Hieron’s favorite movie. Before signing with Strikeforce and then Bellator, Jay Hieron last fought on Affliction: Day of Reckoning — the same card Vladimir Matyshenko fought under. See, the entire world can be connected to Gary Oldman. Go ahead, you try it.

Tonight, the Janitor grabbed his cleaning utensils, yellow gloves and rocked his hairnet going into UFC 129 and managed to clean Jason Brillz of consciousness in exactly twenty-seconds. That’s roughly the same time it would take a mop to fully absorb the contents of a bucket filled with three quarts of water. All of that was made up, don’t let me trick you into thinking that I know mathematics.

Massive props to Vladimir Matyshenko on now going 4-1 in the UFC with his only loss coming from the current UFC light heavyweight champion, Jon Bones Jones. You will get your title shot Matyshenko, now continue to do what you do best — not clean my bathroom.

Published on May 1, 2011 at 1:43 am
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