It’s official! Brock Lesnar will be back THIS SUMMER

Just minutes ago Brock Lesnar appeared LIVE on ESPN Sportscenter. Through the use of technology we can never understand, he appeared via satellite from Las Vegas with Dana White by his side. Brock said he was first diagnosed with mono and knew the diagnosis was somewhat off but decided to go to Canada to do manly things (like scale mountains, kill bears with kitchen appliances…etc). However, when he arrived in Canada, Brock said he felt like he got shot directly through his stomach and knew something was wrong. Lesnar said the first thing he needed to do was get the hell out of Canada. Dude doesn’t trust public healthcare so he got a second diagnosis in the US. Doctors now diagnosied Brock with diverticulosis and his only option was to remove a part of his colon, forcing him to poop in a bag for the rest of his life. Of course, this would have marked the end of Brock Lesnar’s career.

Brock Lesnar then said he was in the hospital for 11 days straight, did not eat eating (he was feed intravenously) and lost 40 lbs. Doctors said he urgently needed surgery but they had to wait for his internal swelling to go down before operating. Doctors waited until the last minute and noticed that Brock Lesnar was regenerating, Wolverine style.

He had another check up after January 1st and things seemed fine. He then went back to the doctor on January 5th and they could find no stomach problems. Doctors said it was a miracle. Seriously. Lesnar said he believed the mind is a powerful thing and when he went 15-30 days helplessly lying in bed without any control over his life, he got a second take. He also referred to himself in third person which was sort of weird.

Dana White said Brock Lesnar will return to the octagon this Summer against the winner of Frank Mir vs. Shane Carwin. Dana then said if anything happened to the winner of Carwin/Mir, the winner of Cain vs. Big Nog would have a title shot.

There you have it people, Brock Lesnar is back.

Published on January 20, 2010 at 4:13 pm
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