This UFC 169 card, a number that would make 14-year-old Zeus giggle like the little school girl that he actually was. That’s right, I’m talking in third-person as an indirect protest of my disgust for first-person shooters. We need a second-person game to hit the gaming industry — that’s right, make the impossible possible, it’s friggin’ 2014, the future is now.
Now stop what you’re doing and read our UFC 169 predictions.
The two most disturbing things I’ve ever witnessed in MMA was Chris Weidman perfectly checking Anderson Silva’s leg kick and breaking his leg, and Varner vs Dakota Cochrane. Both of those fights produced .gifs that will turn me to jelly and make my legs buckle under me like I’m a vampire who just accidentally took garlic pills when I meant to take fish oil, ‘I need Omega ’cause I’m an alpha,’ I would think. Then turn into a bat and fly into the night, free.
Jamie Varner wins via second round knockout and this will possibly be FOTN if someone doesn’t break their leg on a perfectly-checked kick.
Anyone claiming that there aren’t too many UFC cards need to take a long, hard look at this fight. UFC 169 is not only a PPV, but UFC’s much-vaunted Super Bowl weekend show. This used to be where they’d save their big guns for, this was where Randy Couture and Chuck Liddell banged it out and now it is where they tack on fights that have no home. Abel Trujillo is 11-5 and Jamie Varner washed out of the WEC and is one fight away from washing out of the UFC. I’m not sure that the Roger Bowling fights have sold me on Trujillo, though, so I pick Varner by default.
I don’t know why, but I’ve always found this to be one of the funniest gifs in MMA history.
I had tears coming out of my eyes laughing so hard. So I have to thank Jamie Varner for that moment, even in defeat he still entertained me. Jamie Varner by making me laugh.
Every time Jamie Varner is about to step in the cage, I always remember back in the days of WEC when Varner accused Faber of stealing his Mountain Dew contract. According to Varner, the entire concept of a fighter being sponsored by a beverage was his idea and the fact that Faber beat him to the punch was completely against the ‘bro code.’ Despite the fact that Varner is one of ‘those guys’ from Phoenix, he’s going to treat Abel like gum that he recently discovered on the bottom of his shoe. Varner wins by TKO.
I don’t see how this doesn’t end with one man on the ground, grabbing their leg in pain after the other man checked the kick perfectly with their knee, then breaking the other man’s leg. Ali wins (technical TKO, broken leg)
In a way I wish this was a YouTube prelim and that Fight Pass didn’t exist, because having a Dagestani on YouTube prelims means that people from Dagestan fill up the YouTube chat with hilarity while American fans are racist towards them. Fight Pass has to go and ruin everything, doesn’t it? John Lineker once again missed weight and will once again win after missing weight. It was written.
There are few fighters that bring the level of violence to MMA that John Lineker does. He’s had such a strange journey, from his first fight in the UFC arriving with no training gear or even fight shorts, to missing weight seemingly every other fight. At the end of the day, while I am a sucker for Sambo and “puncher king” is a great nickname. I’m going to go with the Brazilian John Linker. Please make weight because Lineker vs. Johnson is something I need in my life. Lineker decision.
After missing weight yet again, John Lineker should now fight Anthony Johnson for the coveted ‘Rumbleweight’ title. We all know that Newton actually beat King Mo to be the official ‘Moneyweight’ champion and successfully defended his title two consecutive times. Although Lineker will probably beat Ali via decision at UFC 169, his legacy won’t be solidified until he leaves UFC and joins the ranks of WSOF to challenge Rumble Johnson.
I think this has the potential to grace us much violence, very punch, wow, such kick. After I tweeted about stripping a man naked and force-feeding him disinfectant on DayZ, Alistair Overeem followed me on Twitter. I Dm’d him a message asking him if he wanted to play Xcom with me, but I don’t know if he saw it. Maybe that will happen one day. Purely because Overeem followed me on Twitter, I want him to win, but I could see this playing out like his last two fights – dominate and then get caught.
I hope that doesn’t happen though. The worst thing would be Overeem throwing a leg kick, then Mir checking it with a perfectly-timed and much-trained technique called the ‘knee carnage’ and breaking Overeem’s leg. That would be nuts. Overeem 1st round KO.
If I’m honest with myself and honest with all of you this is the only fight that I really care about. I’m not taking anything away from the top two bouts, I just don’t find them overly competitive is all, okay? In a perfect world this isn’t a competitive fight either, but it probably will be. In this perfect world that we are talking about Alistair Overeem realizes that he’d have a huge career in professional wrestling and would already be working away at it, although I’m unclear what his finisher would be. His guillotine is a little on the nose, don’t you think? It would need to be something that you’d think a dude with a ton of muscles would do, so maybe a powerbomb variation would work best. The Last Ride? That’s a nice, stupid move.
Maybe I’m already mulling over Alistair Overeem’s career choices after another loss in the UFC for a reason, maybe I’m subconsciously imagining what Alistair Overeem will do after he loses to Frank Mir so it won’t be super depressing to see Overeem wash out of the UFC. I know that he’d probably immediately go to GLORY (although LEGEND gave him an offer as well) and I’d get to see Overeem crush Eastern European guys who should be fighting at Light Heavyweight, but I still think that pro wrestling is the best option at this point. Yeah. Anyway, I still pick Overeem to crush Frank Mir with an Uberknee.
Walsh and I have discussed numerous times about Reem going to the WWE or wrestling in general. He has the size Vince McMahon looks for, 6’5 muscles out the wazoo, he’s well spoken, although he’d probably need a manager to be his mouth piece. Speaking of pro wrestling, Frank Mir has had his hand in putting a lot of guys over, most recently being Josh Barnett. Sure Barnett had all the smarks eating out of his hand, but it wasn’t till his return to the UFC did he get over with the general audience. Look at Mir’s record he helped put over Carwin, Vera and Lesnar. Will he do it again? I believe so. Ubereem by kneeing Mir’s head into the fourth row.
If Alistair Overeem doesn’t Fujita Frank Mir in the first round, everything I’ve ever known about MMA is a lie.
I’ve told myself that Bigfoot Silva beat Overeem because Silva was juiced up to the gills on steroids and if The Reem didn’t gas, he would have probably held the UFC heavyweight title in his next fight. Now Overeem’s loss to Travis Browne — Browne is just one of those freaks in which we’ve never really seen how far he will go in the division. For all we know, Browne could be the new heavyweight UFC GOAT and instead of this Cain vs. JDS revolving door we’ve seen in UFC, Brown vs. Overeem may be the new trilogy.
But yeah, let’s not kid ourselves here. The Reem is going to murder thousands of Mir’s brain cells at UFC 169 with one well-placed knee.
Jose Aldo vs. Ricardo Lamas: I think Lamas will shock a lot of people in this fight. Lamas is way better than anyone thinks, and just because he’s quiet, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have skills. I watched a bunch of Jose Aldo fights the other night and it was awesome, but one thing was clear – Jose hasn’t looked like WEC Jose in the UFC. He just hasn’t. Not for more than a round, here or there, anyways. If Lamas can survive the first 2-3 rounds, possibly foresee the leg kicks and check one at the perfect time to intentionally break Jose’s leg, he has a chance. If not, he needs to grind it out and make Jose get tired enough to get to 155. Will this happen? I want to say ‘yes’ I think it can, but we’ve so many Gods fall in the last 12 months, I think the Pantheon is about to strike back and remind us what’s up.
Jose Aldo wins, but I wouldn’t be shocked if Ricardo Lamas won.
I was really happy when Don Frye made a Lorenzo Lamas joke on his UFC 169 picks because I always make a Lorenzo Lamas joke whenever he pops up and nobody gets it or Renegade. I blame all of you for being younger or newer fans and for not watching Monday Night Raw in the 90’s to know that before The Ultimate Fighter followed Raw it was Lorenzo Lamas as The Renegade or it was some show called Silk Stalkings (note there was also an occasional bike cop show that Triple H appeared on as well) that my mom always made sure I never saw a second of because it was a show about not only crimes, but sexy crimes. Basically, this is why I look down upon most MMA fans, for not getting Lorenzo Lamas jokes. Jose Aldo is awesome and anyone who disagrees probably doesn’t get it. Jose Aldo wins.
There are certain fighters that just simply come along at the wrong time. Igor Vovchanchyn is one of them, I always felt it was such a shame that right around the time MMA started to gain in popularity and Pride started to take off, he was already on the back side of his career. Aldo is a guy that should’ve came along ten years ago, in the heyday of Pride. I would watch every episode of the Big Ban Theory straight while eating vegan steak, just to witness Jose Aldo soccer kick some poor innocent unsuspecting fighter. Jose Aldo by my wet dreams.
Am I the only one that truly believes Ricardo Lamas has a highly probable shot at not only beating but finishing Jose Aldo.
I can’t fully articulate how Lamas will defeat Aldo, I mean the guy has been finished by Yuri Alcantara and Danny Castillo in WEC. However Lamas is just a guy that is entirely too smart to be caught with the blitzkrieg leg kicks Aldo peppers throughout the fight. If Lamas can take Aldo in deep waters, he wins — easily-ish.
Renan vs Urijah: Renan is the new Jose Aldo or Anderson Silva and Urijah is still Urijah. He’s always been this awesome to me. I don’t get why people are making such a big deal about him beating the people he’s beating. Still, Renan destroys Urijah because Renan is the best 135 pounder ever until a 135 pound Chris Weidman comes along and breaks his leg on purpose with a leg check specifically designed for destroying legs. It will be called the ‘annihilation.’
Pick: Renan by 4th round TKO.
There was once a time when Urijah Faber was so good, so unchallenged that it used to be fun to watch WEC just to see what he’d come up with next. You can easily argue that the competition has gotten stiffer and that Urijah Faber has gotten better. What you can’t argue is that he’s not as creative and dynamic when he fights, which is kind of a bummer. Both men have looked great since their last fight but I’m not sure that Urijah Faber has the tools to take out Barao, which is kind of a bummer. I give Faber all of the credit in the world for being as good as he is and in a way, I want him to pull it off, but logically I still go with Barao.
Urijah Faber might be the best good fighter of all time. Let me explain that statement, Faber is a very good fighter, one of the best ever, but simply put, he isn’t elite. He will beat everyone he should with relative ease, but when you start to match him up with the elite fighters of the world, he’ll put up a valiant effort but ultimately fall short. He’s much like former Orioles and Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina. Both are very good in their respective sport, but they aren’t the cream of the crop. Much like Mussina, Faber has had to adjust to father time and has done so exceptionally well. With that said Renan Barão beats on Faber yet again, this time stopping him. Renan Barão 3rd round TKO.
I remember last year Urijah Faber’s clothing company, Torque, reached out to me to have a brain storming session on ways MiddleEasy can help them market their apparel company. I had more than a few phone calls with Torque and we developed this really cool idea that involved Facebook integration with their brand. I drafted up a contract and a proposal to get things underway — and those guys never got back to me. After multiple emails, all contact just ceased.
Apparently Torque believed I would do all of that work for free, in exchange for Urijah Faber following @MiddleEasy on Twitter and one shirt from the Torque collection. Seriously, that’s honestly what they thought would be a fair payment.
Needless to say the site found a real clothing partner in Dethrone Royalty, and we couldn’t have asked for a better apparel company to team up with MiddleEasy. Go follow @Dethrone and buy some of their gear.
Oh, and Renan Barao wins — again.