Arlovski tried to kill himself after Fedor KO

Normally, getting in the ring with someone named ‘The baddest man on the planet’ is voluntary suicide. I guess all suicides would be voluntary, especially when you’re signed to fight Fedor Emelianenko. My life consists of waking up everyday, brushing my teeth and checking out my list of ‘Things to do in order not to get in the ring with Fedor’. The top of the list starts off with praising Mother Russia for about a half an hour followed by always using Zangief whenever I play Street Fighter. So far, that list has proven to be 100% effective (See, both of my arms are still connected to my body).

Unfortunately, Andrei Arlovski wasn’t so fortunate and after a devastating knockout from The Last Emperor in Affliction II, it really got to him. So much in fact that your boy tried to kill himself by way of (get ready for the cliche of the century…wait for it…) Russian Roulette. I apologize for the milk that just shot out of your nose. I would help you clean it up but I have a strong aversion to milk…that has just squirted out of someone’s nose. Note to self, if I ever get knocked out by a Russian and decide to have a follow-up suicide attempt, I will try not to pick a method named after the country of a guy that just knocked me out. I would have probably gone for the old fashioned wrist slit, maybe even the David Carradine method (too soon?). We still love you Andrei, look on the bright side…you’re with this chick. [Source]

Published on August 6, 2009 at 4:38 pm
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