A Lesson in Gas Station MMA: You WILL be kicked in the face by the MMA champion clerk

Times are hard. I get it. As a result men become desperate, and desperate men do desperate things. Or something like that. I don’t know. Sometimes people just steal shit. That’s what these gentlemen were up to when they decided to jump a cashier at the Fuel Depot who was returning to the store from the bank with a money bag. No details have been released about the would be bandits, because they are possibly wanted on numerous other warrants, so whether or not they had slightly less nefarious motives remains to be determined. Maybe one of them just broke out of prison, and was trying to scrap together some cash to see their daughter, but then they fell into a particle accelerator filled with sand, and now have the tremendous burden of super powers and being in an abysmal sequel. I just don’t know.

The problem with trying to hold up the Fuel Depot is that Mayura Dissanyake works there, and the dude is pretty well versed in MMA. This is a gas station attendant that wouldn’t be frightened by Anton Chigurh. Dissanyake isn’t your average black belt in YouTube Jiu-Jitsu, nor is he just with a guy with amazing, prime Arvloski hair. He is the five-time national MMA champion of Sri Lanka, and as he so eloquently puts it, all of that stuff can be used in the streets. Seriously, “I just kick him in the face” is an amazing quote on par with “I am beat you.” I’ve never heard anyone talk about curb stomping someone so nonchalantly. It’s brilliant. It’s beautiful. It’s downright poetic. Dissanyake might be the Tennyson of MMA. 

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Published on July 27, 2014 at 4:53 pm
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