15 hilarious reactions from Japan when Nick Diaz nearly missed the UFC call as told by Google translator

I may not be able to fluently speak Japanese (or event influently for that matter) but I make it a point to check Japan’s ‘MMA Ironman‘ throughout the week. It’s the world’s first contextual home shopping MMA website. For example, if MMA Ironman covers an article in which Chael Sonnen slings a few disparaging words towards Anderson Silva, the site will also sell a book about ‘How to treat fellow humans with respect,’ or as Google translator tells us ‘I teach not treat human evil nasty.’

This past Thursday when Nick Diaz nearly missed his now infamous UFC conference call (something that actually made ‘Nick Diaz’ trend on Twitter just below ‘Lindsay Lohan’), the reaction from fans of MMA in Japan were pretty varied. When these same reactions were filtered through Google Translator, they redefine Merriam-Webster’s definition of ‘confusing.’ Check out these fifteen comments from MMA Ironman’s article on Nick Diaz’s UFC 137 conference call and aid me in bridging the cultural gap between East and West — or just laugh uncontrollably, it’s your choice.

1 Hey Nick I received from a clear diagnosis of ADHD. Nick becomes far more serious the problem of congenital brain function, calm down! Of it is similar to the white Tteiu loss to welterweight for Lesnar. Developmental “disability” as a natural healing qualities of Nick Cooper, entertaining people with disabilities that is not wrestling, midget wrestling and sense direction I’m the same. Is a good thing. The best big brother!

This person mentioned Nick Diaz’s alleged ADHD and then suggests that Diaz may have a ‘far more serious’ brain problem. Now the guy essentially diagnosed Nick Diaz with a severe brain disorder and tells him the only way he can alleviate this cerebral problem is to ‘calm down.’ My god this armchair neuroscientist. Apparently midget wrestling will also aid with your sense of direction, just in case you ever find yourself without a compass and surrounded by a group of little athletes. Nice tip.


2“Nick is Nick”
Pen, to give an accurate comment

I hope it’s commented out is the natural Kedorashi both up

Everything here seems to be somewhat understandable until this person references the ‘natural Kedorashi’ and that whatever it is, it’s ‘both up.’ We’re assuming this ‘Kedorashi’ stuff comes in pairs and that whenever both of them are elevated, then a statement is accurate.


3Nick has one vote to win. Expected to win the passage of arms.

Clearly this guy believes that Nick Diaz is on some sort of reality show that operates solely on online votes. If Nick Diaz does win this contest, he will be the proud owner of Eric Ambler’s 1959 thriller, ‘Passage of Arms.’


4World’s most powerful (P4P) Nde-ridden people should not say more if 倒Sanakya (laughs). But such remarks and actions are interesting but I on the box office. Character to do such things, I would say that the players are not allowed. Incidentally, I am today, but I was told to dig a 5-minute delay to the client meeting.

I think this guy was in mid comment, then realized that he was on the wrong site while simultaneously being told that a meeting he was scheduled for would be delayed. Damn, well I hope it all worked out in the end.


5But now, I was standing in for Nick Condit Why not a pen? Postponed even if the challenger’s why the stand remains a conduit huh? It is the bad handling of the pen or something? The game I was close to the challenger finals match against Fitch, what should not challenge the first winner of the pen than Condit vs Nick? I want to see a rematch of the fate of the pen vsGSP.

This guy is clearly angry at a multitude of things in the UFC and loves to challenge authority by posting a lot of rhetorical questions that he fails to answer. Disgusted with the world and everything in it, the only thing that can calm him down is a rematch of GSP vs. Penn. Interesting.


6Nick wins the best in this cool ^ ^ I believe that if big brother fuckable Nannai anything interesting to the future deployment of where BJ is winning or rather Turn me somehow scratch the welterweight war! !

Judging by this comment, he wants to Nick Diaz to win but he also wants to have sexual relations with someone’s big brother. Nothing wrong with that, I mean this is 2011.


7Once pressed, such as honor and a half Bakkari say like hey from Okami is a Japanese cultural etiquette from semi too What Americans would bore From what I say at risk of this game is excellent and tingling Nick

Using my lingustic deduction, this guy insists that the Japanese shouldn’t be angry with Nick Diaz because the American culture isn’t based on honor and etiquette. In fact, all of that stuff bores Americans. He also states that the excitement is tingling Nick Diaz, something that I’ve repeatedly said in the past but everyone out there refuses to believe. There, now you have proof from half-way across the world. Nick Diaz is tingling.


8I wonder – I rise not worth talking about change but I get Sonen vs Diaz I think that I have Sonen interesting anyway … Diaz de Suttara

Apparently this guy is proposing the hypothetical match-up of Chael Sonnen vs. Nick Diaz and that if this match did occur, Sonnen would win in an ‘interesting’ way. This guy drops Spanish at the end of his comment in an attempt to make everyone’s head explode in amazement.


9Edgar and the losing streak to Penn, Fitch also a little outnumbered. If you lose the other top players such as where it can not afford to lose even a pen that could lead to big ratings in the past I would go to the game. I want to show such strong hints at Penn can win the belt again. To get to the course named senior pen legend still too early.

We can tell this guy is a BJ Penn fan since he essentially reconstructed MMA history by claiming Frankie Edgar has a losing streak to BJ Penn. Now that’s change we can believe in. This guy also believes BJ Penn is showing ‘strong hints’ that he can win the belt again. BJ Penn fans will destroy your reality.


10I thought I look at the TUF, interviews and a lot of people do strange What America But unrelated story, the last seat and suddenly putting aside rank Majigire TUF will be Toka notice any mention of the child murder of others But sorry, my manners are not something that people are not feeling attractive Once more excuse for being late and w apologize Seriously

From what I can discern from this comment, this guy is a notable child murderer but he wants to apologize for not being attractive and late. He also put an extra ‘serious’ at the end of his statement just in case any of you doubt his sincerity.


11Whether it can show off your skills in the Octagon like Sonen. Big Mouth’s theory such a beating from the total value must be the result. Would be the most miserable of the eyes of people known to the warm character and living alone without mouth rather beaten in defeat.

This fan introduces a new concept to MMA called the ‘Big Mouth Theory’ which states the total value from smack talk must equal the value of effort that is being exerted in the cage. By this logic, James Toney did not apply this theory in his 2010 Randy Couture bout.


12The mother did not wake up no.

Now this guy is either saying Nick Diaz’s mother didn’t wake him up for the UFC 137 conference call, or that someone’s mother simply didn’t wake up. If it’s the latter, then that’s a pretty mean thing to say about someone’s mother on a public forum.


13I hope, hidden in a cool fight BJ! This thing called MMA fighter. Force leaves and salt humble ゙ big difference.

According to this person, within all MMA fighters are two constants: ‘force leaves’ and ‘salt humbles.’ Basically what this guy is trying to say is Chael Sonnen is enjoying a sodium-free lifestyle.


14One vote to win big brother.

Vote to win Big Brother? What, the reality show? What’s going on here, I didn’t even know they had that show in Japan. Well to be fair, if Nick Diaz did appear on Big Brother, he would also receive my vote. Good call, playa.


15Truly cool with it if you win the big brother

Alright Japan, take it easy. We can all mutually agree that it would be really cool if Nick Diaz wins Big Brother if he was selected to be a cast member on the show. Pretty wild how Japan is preoccupied with Nick Diaz winning reality shows. CBS needs to take note of this undying passion from their Japanese audience.

Published on October 23, 2011 at 7:14 pm
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