Nintendo’s Tecmo Super Bowl was to football as what Blades of Steel is to hockey. That’s right, it’s 2014 and you’ve read the first (and hopefully not your last) Blades of Steel reference. In fact if that question was on my SAT, I wouldn’t have been forced to retake it. The truth is, I’m fairly certain I barely scrapped by my standardized tests to get accepted in the University of Arizona, and now years later we’re the #1 ranked team in the country in NCAA basketball. Take that, Cain Velasquez. You should have never attended Arizona State University. That goes for all of you Sun Devils, wasting your life away in a town more artificial than Disneyland. In fact, Phoenix exists in order to make people believe the rest of the world is real. That’s right, marinate on that tonight.
In all of that, there wasn’t a single mention of this weekend’s Superbowl XLVIII. In three years we’re going to be able to call it ‘Superbowl L,’ and every NFL writer is going to try and horribly fail at making a joke about it. There is no joke to be had by writing Superbowl L. It’s just another roman numeral. Not everything in this world can be deconstructed and reassembled with hilarity. Take for example this video. It’s just a simulation of Superbowl XLVIII using Nintendo’s Tecmo Super Bowl — there’s no humor in this. Folks, when you were a kid, Tecmo Super Bowl was as real as it gets.