The Top Ten Marijuana Stories in MMA History

 

When he was in Punahou High School in Honolulu, Barack Obama was a member of the ‘Choom Gang’ — which consisted of an international crew of kids that used to smoke as much marijuana as humanly possible. I don’t think you guys understand. Whatever amount you have in your head, they smoked astronomically higher. Back in the 70s marijuana was plentiful in Hawaii. They called it weed for a reason, the stuff literally grew everywhere — and it was consumed at every possible occasion. According to David Maraniss (a member of the Choom Gang and author of Barack Obama: The Story), Barack would actually encourage the group to smoke as much as possible before studying in order to be at peak performance for exams.

Well it looks like the Nevada State Athletic Commission is correct. Marijuana is a performance enhancer. It can lead to great things actually, like — being the President of the United States of America.

The entire MMA world has been engulfed in a whirlwind of marijuana-related stories this year. So we thought it was only appropriate to compile the top ten greatest marijuana stories in MMA history and place them in this handy list. It’s also important to note this feature is best read at exactly 4:20 pm — or 4:21pm. Actually, read it whenever you want. Enjoy.

 

Back in 2010 Dan Quinn signed a contract to face porn star Aaron Brink in an MMA bout at a Gladiator Challenge event. You know Dan Quinn, he’s the same guy who claims that he’s the reincarnation of a Buddhist angel named Maitreya but sometime in the late 80s, his spirit transformed into a Christianized version of the angel and his mission in life shifted from being a hardass to enlightening the world on the seemingly miraculous powers of Stevia. It may sound a little complicated, but generally any paragraph that has the words ‘Dan Quinn’ is like trying to uncover the secrets of the universe through an endless supply of matryoshka dolls.

100 years from now, Dan Quinn’s Youtube clips will be studied by historians and they will collectively agree that he was ahead of his time. Way ahead of his time. Dan Quinn claims that he’s

discovered an elixir for eternal youth which also doubles as a fuel source that can save the earth. It’s all based on a cocktail of Stevia, marijuana and ‘pure-h20.’ Apparently this mixture has enabled Dan Quinn to have an MMA record of 5-7-1.

Prior to his fight against Aaron Brink, Dan Quinn decided to get spun on marijuana butter and Stevia, which he claimed would give him the extra edge needed to defeat Aaron Brink. While the video of Dan Quinn originally breaking the idea to the MMA world has been lost in the vortex of time, we do have this video of Dan Quinn, minutes before his bout against Aaron Brink, smoking Stevia out of a bong and under the influence of marijuana butter.

 

If you ever find yourself lighting a nicely rolled doobie on the streets of Albuquerque, New Mexico and you see Jon Jones in the distance — spinning back-elbowing a mailbox or something — be sure to walk the other way. If Bones Jones catches you with herb, he will snitch on you. In an interview with Sherdog, Jones admitted that he was ‘always the kid who snitched on other kids who had pot.’ Dammit Bones, dammit.

I was studying criminal justice and I wanted to be a law enforcement officer in my hometown. Endicott, New York, man. I thought it would be so cool to be a hometown police officer.I’ve always been a person who tries to do the right thing in life, for the most part. I’m no angel, but I was always the kid who snitched on the kids who had pot. I don’t want to offend the pot smokers out there, but I was kind of just a snitch. I was just down for people doing the right thing. My parents kind of raised me to be a good guy. I’ve always been down for the good side, I guess.

Jon Jones is also an avid fan of ‘Angry Johny‘ by Poe which sort of makes up for the fact that he could have never played that old arcade game NARC in good conscious.

 

UFC 143, what an absolute chaotic whirlwind of madness. Let’s not forget that Keith Kizer claimed Nick Diaz drank 24 bottles of water prior to his UFC 143 drug test — and he still failed. The entire main event was bizarre. Nick Diaz fought a battle against Carlos Condit that a large majority believe he won. MMA fans looked to the official FightMetric scorecard for clarity, and it was just as confusing to understand as the result of the fight. The UFC ran a poll on their site to see what parts of the world believed won the main event at UFC 143 and the entire planet was split. Later that day Dana White announced their would be an immediate rematch between the two — and then Nick Diaz was caught with marijuana in his system. Minutes later, this happened in the middle of Times Square in New York City.

 

I just want to begin this by saying if you’ve ever used something along the lines of ‘Solving the riddle of Matt Riddle’ in the title of an article, then the English language should put you on indefinite suspension. Wisconsin doesn’t even have enough cheese for that nonsense.

If you’re unable to locate marijuana on a Friday night, Matt Riddle looks like a guy that knows a guy that could solve your problems. Riddle has mastered the art of making a bong out of a milk container and a discarded POG tube. That last statement isn’t verified. We’re sure Riddle has found far more clever ways to inhale his green leafy substance. He strikes me as the kind of guy that guffaws at signs in head shops that read ‘For Tobacco Use Only.’

The day before Matt Riddle tested positive for marijuana at UFC 149, we caught up with a jovial Riddle and filmed this interview. The guy had no idea the ZUFFA hammer was upon him in less than 24 hours.

After he was busted for ingesting the leafy green into his lungs, Riddle did an interview with MMAMania to give his take on the athletic commission’s stance on marijuana. He admitted that he would never again test positive for marijuana.

I’m not asking to, you know, rip a tube before I get in the Octagon. It’s like I quit, I quit pretty far out. [I quit] like two weeks [out from a fight]. But, I’m like a heavy user, you know, to be honest and it sticks around in my system because I’m skin and bone, you know, but it still sticks in my system. So, you know, that’s what it is and until they change the rules or amend it, I’ll abide by whatever they tell me to do.

The UFC had me take a test before I got here, last Friday and Monday and I passed both those tests. They were not taking a chance and they said if I failed that test they probably would have pulled me from the card.

So I passed that test and that’s what it is and you know, in the future I mean I know all these guys are taking testosterone and all that and they have medical releases, and I’m hoping maybe I can talk to a commission or talk to somebody and maybe get the rules changed.

I won’t test positive ever again I can assure you.

The next fight Matt Riddle had after his suspension, the dude was busted a second time for marijuana and was cut by the UFC. Instead of apologizing for his love of THC, he went nuts on the UFC.

Matt Riddle just didn’t burn his bridge with the UFC in his interview with Stephanie Joplin, the guy summoned a level 54 fire elemental and nuked everything in the vicinity. We’re pretty sure Matt Riddle was well aware of the beef he created with the UFC — which will remove all the probability he will be stepping inside the Octagon anytime soon. Perhaps that’s why he went after Dana White’s business acumen.

I really don’t have a reaction to it because, to be honest, Dana White…it’s sad but he’s uneducated to the sport and the industry. He’s calling me a moron for using my medicine when half his fighters are on steroids. It’s pretty offensive, but at the same time, I am looking at the source, and he can’t help himself

Even now, I don’t have a dislike for Dana White or the UFC. But really, he’s just a juice monkey who’s bald, who doesn’t know sh** about business. He just yells the F word and expects things to be handed to him.

Damn. Wow and damn. Woamn. Let’s make that a word.

 

According to Brian Ebersole, the arrow on his chest is pointing to his chin to let opponents know how to defeat him. That’s the equivalent of a me having a neon sign pointing to my empty wallet whenever I go on a date to alert the chick they will eventually pay for everything.  My friend Eric told me he hasn’t brushed his teeth since he was 21. I promptly responded with ‘Hey Eric, I will never share a burrito with you again.’ Some stuff is inexcusable, but Brian Ebersole’s hairrow gets a pass solely because every opponent to date fails to comprehend it.

We interviewed Brian Ebersole in 2011 about his tumultuous MMA career and he admitted that he flew to California to fight in the IFL, and then failed a drug test due to eating marijuana cookies in California. This could only mean than Ebersole ingested marijuana cookies before his bout against Alex Schoenauer that he lost in a controversial split decision. Amazing.

Fought in the IFL on 11-days notice, though I was only in California to say goodbye, before moving back to Australia. Failed my drug test due to eating Marijuana cookies whilst in California (semi-legal there), and not having enough notice to clear the system.

The power of the hairrow is strong. We coined that term, by the way. It’s ridiculous. We know.

 

There is no irony of Matt ‘The Law’ Lindland being accused of stealing six marijuana plants from a guy named Gonzalo Aldana Gamboa. Marijuana is legally allowed in Oregon for medicinal purposes, therefore Matt Lindland was entirely in his right to possess and cultivate a certain amount of marijuana plants. However, the issue was Gonzalo accusing Lindland of literally ‘potnapping’ these plants which has a street value of about $122,880. Five Ounces of Pain received a statement from Matt Lindland regarding the hazy accusations which is filled with some intentional marijuana jokes — Lindland even highlighted them in caps just in case we missed them.

“I have no idea what this about. There seems to be a trend these days with folks filing frivolous lawsuits without merit. I think this is a CHRONIC problem. Times are tough financially for a lot of people and everyone seems to think these is some kind of POT OF GOLD at the end of the lawsuit rainbow.”

When we interviewed fellow Oregon Team Quest member, Joe Warren, he told us that he not only frequently smokes marijuana, but he’s medically ‘legal’ in several states. Team Vision Quest for the absolute win.

 

This story is not about Nick Diaz. We would like to think he’s entirely too smart to be caught with 130 marijuana plants. Even if he had $1.2 million worth of marijuana in his place in Stockton, CA, no police officer would voluntarily place their self in front of his mean mug. The 209 is strong with Nick Diaz, and marijuana is in stronger with the former Strikeforce welterweight champion. In an interview with LA Times, Diaz told the newspaper that smoking marijuana is all ‘part of his plan’ and that when he’s high, he’s ‘more consistent.’ Guaranteed that getting busted with over $1,000,000 worth of marijuana was simply not part of Travis Roesler’s plan. CourierPostOnline.com broke the news in 2010 that Philadelphia police caught the 27-year old with enough marijuana to last East Hollywood for roughly an hour.

A former University of Pennsylvania football player and mixed martial artist is facing drug charges after police say they seized more than $1 million in marijuana from his training studio.

Philadelphia police Capt. James Kelly says 27-year-old Travis Roesler was arrested Wednesday. A subsequent search of his training gym in the University City neighborhood yielded 130 plants and two pounds of marijuana ready to be packaged.

Investigators put the value of the drugs at $1.2 million. Roesler faces charges of possession with intent to distribute.

According to Norml.org, Travis Roesler could have faced a felony that would throw him in prison for 1-3 years. If he had a prior drug conviction, it’s an automatic three years in the slammer. Slammer? What is this, 1953?

 

Pat Healy had his remarkable UFC 159 win overturned, was forced to forfeit his $130,000 bonus from the event, and was suspended for ninety days because he tested positive for marijuana — a substance the New Jersey Athletic Control Board (as well as every other athletic commission in the US) believes is a performance enhancing drug. That’s your joke right there. There’s no need to follow up with anything witty. Reality is far more bizarre than any fiction I could come up with.

The wound is still fresh in the hearts of Pat Healy fans across the globe. While things are still unraveling about Healy testing positive (like Nate Diaz going on a rampage on Twitter), we do know that it sucks having your Submission of the Night bonus handed over to someone that is so against your lifestyle that it’s borderline hilarious. Bryan Caraway, the new owner of Pat Healy’s bonus, has publicly stated that he despises marijuana and anyone that smokes it. Needless to say, he was more than happy to snatch a cool $65,000 from Healy’s pocket.

As it’s been endlessly repeated on message boards across the net — that was one hell of an expensive joint.

 

In Josh Rosenthal’s hometown of Oakland you don’t call a person caught with $6 million of marijuana plants a criminal — you call him a promising entrepreneur. With a California medicinal license, each patient can legally carry up to 28.5 grams and grow up to six personal plants without any legal infraction. In a report last month from MMA Junkie’s Steven Marrocco, Rosenthal far exceeded that amount with an estimated 1,356 marijuana plants worth over $6,000,000. Check out this excerpt from the article:

One year ago, federal agents raided an Oakland, Calif., warehouse owned by Rosenthal and an associate that contained 1,356 marijuana plants, according to a copy of the agreement, which MMAjunkie.com (www.mmajunkie.com) obtained from the U.S. District Attorney’s office in Oakland.

The drug’s street value was estimated at more than $6 million.

Rosenthal is due in U.S. District Court on May 17. The government is recommending 37 months in jail, fines and five years of probation, during which he would be subject to random searches, according to the agreement. Without a deal, he faced 10 years to life in prison, a $10 million fine and a minimum of five years’ probation.

We can’t even begin to tell you the idiocy of the Feds using resources to go after Josh Rosenthal’s marijuana stash when there’s far better stuff to do that doesn’t involve going after Josh Rosenthal’s marijuana stash. America, f*** yeah!

 

Go ask your favorite MMA journalist what was his/her greatest fight in MMA history and there’s a good chance you will hear Takanori Gomi vs. Nick Diaz at Pride 33 in Las Vegas.

For all those MMA fans that came after the end of Pride FC, you must understand that Takanori Gomi was the guy to beat. In every sense of the comparison, he was Japan’s Nick Diaz. In any given fight, Takanori Gomi had the ability to do this to someone’s head. If first-round knockouts were unsuccessful feature-length movies created from videogames, Gomi would be the Uwe Boll of MMA.

Gomi holds the record for the fastest knockout in Pride FC taking only 6 seconds to KO Ralph Gracie with a knee (that was Ralph Gracie’s last fight by the way). He was the Shooto Welterweight Champion and held the title for two years. He decided that he was going to drop weight and go for the Pride FC lightweight belt which only took him 3:56 and one punch to KO Hayato Sakurai. Even though Pride is 6-feet under, Gomi still holds the Pride FC belt (which he probably places alongside all the necks he’s collected in his career).

Nick Diaz initially won via gogoplata in the second round, but it was later changed to a ‘No Contest’ due to marijuana showing up in Diaz’s urine in a post-fight drug test. Cesar Gracie claimed the entire drug test was one giant conspiracy by the Nevada State Athletic Commission because the commissioner ‘was pathetic and wanted to make an example of Nick.’

While we can’t show you the entire fight, we can display these two fantastic .gifs from our buds over at CagePotato.

And let’s not forget that rare gogoplata finish from Nick Diaz.

Whatever happened that night at Pride 33 was further complicated by Nick Diaz’s claim that Gomi threw a Street Fighter 2 ‘hadoken’ during the bout which opened up his eye and forced him to take a trip to the emergency room.

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