St. Paddy’s Day, or St. Patrick’s Day as white people call it, is a day full of debauchery. It’s probably the best Catholic holiday outside of Ash Wednesday, when we all get the cross of ashes drawn on our foreheads by Father Jim, who snuck us some red wine after mass that one day. He’s pretty cool for a 33-year-old. Another pretty cool 33-year-old is Jesus Christ, who St. Patrick fought alongside in the battle of Galilee. This was what immediately followed the party in which Jesus turned all of the filtered water into wine.
Fun fact: when you call someone a “G” the etymology is not from calling someone a, “gangster.” No, After Jesus Christ turned the filtered water into wine he naturally became a really popular guy. He gained followers, and they called him “Je” for short. They would not have called him “J” or Jay, as they were speaking Aramaic at the time, and J (Jay) is not something that is phonetically possible to speak in that language.
The battle of Galilee was not a standard melee, it was a drunken riot started by Jesus Christ’s followers after Mary Magdalene got far too drunk and threw up on a merchant’s sandals near the corner of Olive Dr. and Branch Street.
This merchant’s name was Patrick and the rest is history.
He would be proud of this man who swept a cop from mount:
And of this brawl in Chicago:
Here’s an oldie but goodie:
And the ultimate religious expression, destroying a Maxima: