I’ve been in the middle of some weird interviews in my day. Some of these interviews even lead to Don Frye leaving death threats lovingly on my voicemail. In my 5+ years of talking to MMA personalities, and me thinking Hector Lombard was going to punch me through the phone. I’ve found that sometimes, the best strategy is to just get out of the way and let them talk if they want to talk. There’s no use in reeling the conversation back in, and even if you did, it probably wouldn’t turn out as well if you just let the conversation run its natural course.
That’s pretty much exactly what happened here when Layzie The Savage and I were able to talk nerdy with Uriah Hall and Ronda Rousey about all things Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z. Eventually our interview devolves into an argument between Uriah and Ronda over Goku vs Vegeta, and we’d have it no other way.
So what’s your starter: Squirtle, Charmander or Bulbasaur?
Ronda: Charmander’s my starter. Charmander. Always.
Ronda: Because Charizard is the… I can’t give you an example of what I’m going for here… Of the fully evolved monsters, Charizard was the shit when I was a kid and I originally started playing the trading card game, and the hologram Charizard was THE most sought-after card that there was. So to have a Charizard… You were the shit.
If you and Cyborg had a Pokemon battle, who would you bring to the fight and who do you think she would bring to the fight?
Uriah Hall: MewTwo
Ronda: I… Oh…
Uriah Hall: MewTwo
Ronda: Uriah, stop trying to answer my motherfucking Pokemon questions.
Ronda: She would try to bring in a MaChamp, and I would bring in a Mew. And my cute little Mew would beat the fuck out of her veiny little MaChamp.
Uriah: I told you!
Do you play the Pokemon card game currently?
Ronda: I used to until I was, I think, sixth grade. I spent all of my money I saved up, like $200, which is A LOT to a little kid, right? I saved it up and spent it all and put all of my new cards in my backpack, and before P.E. you leave your backpack on the stoop and then you have lunch and go back. So someone stole all of my cards, and I was just so heartbroken I never got back into them again. I started playing the videogame. That’s what happened…
Uriah: That’s rough.
Ronda: That was rough. It was rough… I cried. I cried…
Sad silence for a beat.
MiddleEasy is now working with MLG, so would you be interested in taking on the infamous Gary LaPlante in a Pokemon championship match?
Ronda: Well what generation of Pokemon? Because if it’s the latest generation I’m going to need a couple months of prep to get my team ready. I don’t have a team ready to go right now. You have to go into camp with Pokemon just like a damn fight, you know. So yeah, I don’t know I have the time to get into a serious Pokemon battle, because I would take that shit really seriously. So no for right now. I don’t have the time.But in the future if I could prepare I’d be into it.
Is there anything you can relate to playing Pokemon in relation to the MMA world?
Ronda: I would say being a Pokemon trainer has a parallel to coaching rather than competing. Assembling a team. It’s a coaching game, not a fighting game.
Uriah: You should ask some DragonBall Z questions!
What do you think of the depiction of Bulma in DBZ throughout the years? And: Bulma or Chi Chi?
Ronda: Chi Chi sucks. Bulma can be a G if she wants to be.
Uriah: Actually, Bulma is a talker. She’s like a phone thug, she’ll talk. Chi Chi is real, she can back up her talk
Ronda: I’m just saying that Chi Chi just bitches non-stop. Non fucking stop.
Uriah: That’s my wife. Can you respect not talking about my wife like that?
Ronda: “Oh yeah we need Gohan to save the world.” “No, he’s doing his homework.” “Shut up, bitch! We’re all gonna die!!!” Okay?! Fuck the homework!
Uriah: She’s just trying to pass on an education.
Ronda: So Bulma is really smart and technical. She’s the heiress to Capsulcorp, she knows how to do this shit, she knows how to get some Dragonballs together.
Uriah: Balls together.
Ronda: Oh yeah she was totally down for Vegeta.
Uriah: She cheated! She cheated when Goku and Chi were level 4, by himself. Bitch. Chi Chi was fully supportive.
Ronda: All I’m saying is that Bulma did whatever she could to help her man achieve his dreams.
Uriah: He didn’t even love her!
Ronda: He knocked her up then went to the moon to train. You know he was ready for whatever came back and she was asking about the baby. You gonna be a daddy or what? And you have to be a G and a half to get someone like her.
Uriah: Well, she likes a bad boy, whatcha gonna do?
Ronda: She does. She does.
What would their power level be?
Ronda: Well Physically Chi Chi has a higher power level. Bulma is overall more useful. She encouraged her kid and her man to save the world whereas Chi Chi, we would all die if we listened to that bitch.
Uriah: I would have to agree with Ronda’s statement on Chi Chi. Yes, she can be annoying but it’s a motherly love thing. Bulma’s a badass and Bulma’s technology would probably help save the world, so.
Ronda: So a number? 100 for Chi Chi 50 for Bulma…
Uriah: I wouldn’t say 50 for Bulma, that’s going too much. Goku’s the man by the way.
Ronda: Fuck no, Vegeta all day!
Uriah: I’m sorry, who achieved the awesome levels…
Ronda: No. No. No.
Uriah: You do remember when they were fighting and…
Ronda: He needed Yajirobe to cut off Vegetas tail! He was crushing Goku…
Uriah: We’re not talking about that.
Ronda: They chopped off his tail, they quadruple-teamed him and Vegeta has such high standards for himself he wouldn’t even count that as a win…
Uriah: Uh huh, uh huh. Okay, and then what happened Vegeta got his ass kicked and Goku was like, “No Krillin, save him.”
Ronda: Yeah Goku who was on the ground going, “blaaaaghhh” paralyzed because Vegeta already squeezed the shit out of him. You have to call your friends to get Vegeta from behind?
Uriah: Yeah, but…
Ronda: That’s a win?!
Uriah: He was crawling man…
Ronda: He got sucker punched while he was crushing Goku! If his friends wouldn’t have shown up, would Goku have died? Would Vegeta have killed him?
Uriah: I can’t do this…