Aldo. McGregor. The End is Éire

​It’s fight week, but this isn’t just any fight week. This Thursday, a three-day blood sacrifice will take place culminating in what is supposed to be the biggest fight ever. Yes, we finally are going to get José Aldo da Silva Oliveira Junior v.s. Conor Anthony McGregor. A fight in which I believe will be the very end of our world as we know it. I understand if you don’t want to drink the Kool-Aid just yet, but at least hear me out.

There’s just something in the air, some disturbance floating in the ether surrounding this fight that can’t quite be quantified. Perhaps it’s because every other champion in the UFC seems to be a couple of fights away from retiring. Maybe it’s because McGregor predicts these “tings” and he’s been eerily correct with his forecasts. But largely, I think this feeling is due to Rousey’s defeat. Right now the UFC has the unpredictability of a Lost episode; no one is safe and anything can happen. McGregor has a chance to dethrone a man who hasn’t lost in over a decade and could arguably be the best pound-for-pound fighter ever. If he does this, his following could grow to an even larger, more annoying level. …If he loses?

The entire Earth could easily fall into chaos just based on fan riots alone. McGregor has an entire nation behind him and we all can agree that the final Dublin stop for the UFC 189 World Tour was absolutely bonkers. I haven’t been that hyped since waking up as a kid and watching the Dragonball Z intro on Saturday mornings. Now, imagine 6.4 million Irish enraged by a crushing defeat in the street and just try to not be terrified. Trump would announce a ban on the Irish entering the United States so fast his toupée would spin.

Lastly, the stakes are staggering and the hype is at such a high level that this fight could very well split our dimension into two separate timelines: one in which McGregor wins and one where Aldo continues his reign. Basically, the upcoming bout is a Schrödinger’s cat. For those unfamiliar, the scenario presents a cat that may be simultaneously both alive and dead until some hypothetical cat owner opens up a box and finds out if the cat is one or the other. Right now, McGregor is both the winner and the loser and we’ll just have to wait to see exactly when the quantum superposition ends and reality collapses into one possibility or the other.

Hoard your weapons and Guinness while you re-live the madness of the Dublin fiasco below as it should have been seen, right before the fight:

Published on December 9, 2015 at 6:26 pm
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