Whenever Jesus isn’t busy aiding Jon Jones in stopping purse thieves or curing Vitor Belfort of hepatitis, he serves as a freelance contractor for the rest of humanity. Generally, most of Jesus’ time is solely dedicated to Jon Jones since after every fight the UFC light heavyweight champion thanks him for all of his wonderful help. This Jesus and his favoritism of Jon Jones. The universe is going to face a true paradox on September 22nd when Jon Jones goes against Vitor Belfort at UFC 152. Jesus will have to make a choice between his two favorite independent employers, leaving the other one alone to get brutally battered. Actual battery, not drenched in pancake batter — although that should be the consolation prize for when Jesus denies you of his magical gifts.
BJ Penn is the closest thing the world has to Hawaiian Jesus. He can perform miracles like hopping out of water without his hands and turning Diego Sanchez’s forehead into red wine. In this newly released video of the UFC Gym’s grand opening in Hawaii, BJ Penn uses his powers to bless a cake in the name of (regular) Jesus and the UFC.