This week we’ll know if Brock Lesnar retires from MMA

Brock Lesnar has gone from a brutal, aggressive, territorial monster to…a brutal, aggressive, territorial monster whose intestine was leaking into his stomach. Yeah, intenstine leaking into his friggin stomach. Apparently, ever since Brock entered the MMA world he’s had a hole in his intestine that’s been slowly opening up, spilling his guts into his stomach. While his intestine leaked into his stomach, dude managed to grab the UFC heavyweight belt from Randy Couture in an exhibition of rawesomeness. I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but his intestine was leaking into his friggin stomach. Lesnar’s camp later admitted that Brock was only operating at 60% of his primal, beast-like capacity. At the UFC 108 post-fight press conference, Dana White said this is the week we will know if Brock Lesnar will return to the UFC or retire on his ranch in Minnesota.

“This is the week, this week Brock Lesnar is going back to the doctor and getting fully checked out. This week I’ll know. So we get through this week and hopefully Brock’s OK.”

“If the doctors say things are going well and things are going in the right direction, then maybe we’re a few months away from him coming back. If it’s not going in the right direction, he’ll either be done and have to retire, or he’ll be out for a couple of years. After we get that announcement, then we’ll be able to plan what we’re going to do with the heavyweight division.”

“I didn’t even know that we were going to have Brock Lesnar a couple of years ago… I didn’t know if he was going to be good. The thing that I’m most concerned about is if he’s OK. I’m not looking at it and thinking that if he’s gone, we’re going to lose all those pay-per-view buys.”

“If he has to have this major surgery, we’re talking about changing the quality of this guy’s life forever. I like him… I respect him… I hope that doesn’t happen for him and his family’s sake. Pay-per-view buys? I don’t give a [expletive] about that. I hope the guy’s healthy.”

If everything went as planned, Shane Carwin vs. Brock Lesnar should have gone down last night and [insert name here] would still be having a celebration parade in [insert corresponding city name here] and all would be good with the UFC Heavyweight division. Brock Lesnar, you have to come back to UFC. Frank Mir has demons he needs to get rid of…or something equally weird. [Source]

Published on January 5, 2010 at 5:59 am
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