Since you’ve never seen it, check out Cain Velasquez’s first MMA fight, in Strikeforce

I want to meet the one kid who used a ‘number one’ pencil instead of a ‘number two’ pencil on a school exam and made the Scantron machine ignite in a roaring blazing of mathematical glory. You know he’s out there, alone in his number one pencil solitude. That kid is a rebel. When it comes to writing utensils, he’s a revolutionary. He could lead a rebel alliance of number one pencil users and take over a small Scantron factory off the coast of North Carolina. Damn the number two pencil. That should be on a shirt.

Cain Velasquez attended Arizona State University, which already places him at a disadvantage in the Frate Trane list. Any Wildcat would understand, it’s only business. However, for the sake of keeping everything at a warm equilibrium on MiddleEasy, I’ll pretend like he tried to enrolled into the University of Arizona, but slightly messed up his college entrance application.

Most of you were unaware that the UFC heavyweight champion started his MMA career in Strikeforce, and for some bizarre reason, Scott Coker decided to let him go. In an alternate universe somewhere on the edge of a forgotten timeline, Cain Velasquez is still with Strikeforce and he will participate in the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand-Prix next month. In that same universe, chicken wings and blue cheese don’t exist, so it still has its flaws.

Check out this video of Cain Velasquez ascending to greatness by repeatedly smacking Jesse Fujarczyk in the face with his fists.

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