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No more PEDs? Thanks a lot UFC

No more PEDs? Thanks a lot UFC

From we’re regulated by the f*$*&^%*$ing government to we will ban any fighter that tests positive for performance enhancing drugs for 1,460 days, the Ultimate Fighting Championship is attacking the promotion’s drug epidemic head on. At the behest of a loud subsection of media and a handful of fans that kind of cared, the UFC has gotten rid of the PEDs MMA aficionados have known and loved with a groundbreaking policy change. The hour long press conference was met with a few “wows” and “whoas” from the collective online MMA community.   

Using something called “third party drug testing regime” and many buzzwords, UFC president Dana White and co-owner Lorenzo Fertitta will be implementing some program on July 1st before UFC 189 in Las Vegas. After 13 years of the Zuffa run UFC, the organization will no longer allow itself to ask drug cheaters to main event their shows or make them money through pay per view buys. Some of the fans most beloved fighters will no longer be allowed to compete in the world famous Octagon thanks to this new drug testing policy.

Your favorite bout will have to be rescheduled or your most beloved fighter will be banned for four years. UFC Fight Night house parties will decline in record numbers after every undercard fighter tests positive for something that makes them bigger, stronger, faster or all three! You may to wait four entire years to watch your favorite fighter bang in the cage! Four years!

In the coming months the UFC plans to announce fights the masses will love and get excited for, only to have these fights get cancelled due to a positive drug test. Fight fans plan to openly support the UFC’s new and exciting (very wordy) drug testing policy but on the inside they will long for the days when friends could just watch two men punch each other without consequence. At their core fight fans love policy talk and testing regime overhaul discussions by the fire.

The UFC is knocking out PEDS from MMA and every single person with any attachment to the sport couldn’t be sort of, kind of, more mildly enthusiastic about the news. 

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