Dana White is a Fighter… on the New DLC for EA UFC 3 & (Shockingly) He’s a Beast

Finally. The UFC that Dana White has always envisioned has become reality, if only in video game form. Enter the Ultimate Dana White Championship.

I can only imagine these scenes of Dana White smashing the who’s who of the UFC roster has happened a thousand times already inside Dana White’s mind. Can’t you see Dana lining up a bunch of Round 5 figurines before a big contract negotiation? I can vividly picture Dana’s big bald head going beet red with anger as he smashes a Jon Jones figure into oblivion with his limited edition gold-plated Dana White figure. Just like a five year old playing with Ninja Turtles. He probably had a Greg Jackson figurine custom made after the UFC 151 sport killing incident for his own private torture sessions.

But now these realities need not just exist inside Dana White’s brain. Now, the true star of the UFC has finally hit the EA franchise, making his dreams into our reality. Holy shit. We are trapped inside Dana White Inception.

The tone deaf nature of the UFC President making a massive promotion push for his own addition to the video game is just about as on brand as the UFC could be. No fighter has ever gotten the push that Dana White has. Zuffa has spent more dollars convincing America that Dana White is a bad ass than they ever spent promoting a PPV.

So naturally, the game programmers were smart enough to have Dana’s stats reflect just what an accomplished bad ass he really is.

Dana’s comments about his addition to the game only make it crystal clear that he put a call into the developers at EA and let them know his BJJ was slick as fuck.

I would bet you $100 he sent them videos of him tapping UFC employees at UFC Performance Center. Shit, I bet you he paid down on their luck fighters like Johny Hendrick $5,000 to tap to Dana and let him record it. Shit like that would impress the fuck out of the developers. It wouldn’t shock me if Dana has paid tons of fighters to throw a BJJ roll to him on camera. Just so Dana could show the video to Anthony Kiedis on the forgotten members of House of Pain and feel cool. Shit, I bet Dana White would open a business meeting with iPhone footage of him tapping BJ Penn just to affirm his alpha status.

I’m personal going to try to look at all the positives surrounding this complete shit show of a decision.

We should all rejoice in the unlimited amount of GIFs we will get in the next few weeks of our favorite fighters just bombing on MMA’s greatest villain. Unfortunately for the UFC EA noobs interesting in blasting Dana White into outer space, it seems like beating the great destroyer of No Holds Barred fighting is going to be a bit difficult.

Anyway, congratulations Dana White on finally becoming the fighter you were always destined to be.  And congratulations to the UFC for remaining the most successful clown show in the world.

Published on March 15, 2018 at 8:51 pm
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