I am an American. And in God’s America, much like Moses, I AM WHO AM. Moses said: Thus shalt thou say to the children of Israel: HE WHO IS, hath sent me to you. And God said to Moses, I AM THAT I AM. And he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel: I AM hath sent me unto you.
America is threatened by low UFC PPV buys and ISIS. This is what we know about our current lots in life, and these are the realities of our cold and lonely mornings. We are without an American Chin. We are without Brian Stann. That’s why the UFC must extract Brian Stann from a boring life of gripping a microphone and thrust him back into the cage against a foe the likes of which we haven’t seen since Nikolai Volkoff – Denis Cuspert.
If you don’t know, Denis Cuspert is a German member of ISIS, that brandishes severed heads after brandishing 36″ chains and sports cars in a mediocre hip hop career. What I suggest is simple: have Brian Stann fight Denis Cuspert to the death on PPV. Considering this is the first murders that we’ll pay someone other than Ted Turner to witness on cable TV, this will be a historic event worth marketing the world over. The UFC could charge $1000 for the HD broadcast.
Think about the glory of Brian Stann as he holds up Denis Cuspert’s lifeless body and then brings him down over his knee like Bane did to Batman all those years ago. It will right America, it will right the PPV market with at least 1 million buys (that’s 1,000,000,000 in revenue before the cable companies get their take). All PPV buy records will be broken, and there would only be one MAN to thank: Jesus Christ our lord and savior.