Let’s face it, Apple stores throughout the world are intelligently designed urban battlefields and knowing Bas Rutten’s self-defense techniques are what [b]all of you[/b] are going to need to survive your next iPod purchase. That might sound laughable, but it’s true. There’s often only one entrance/exit point open to civilians, making a fast escape impossible when someone spills your jasmine chai and you’re forced to punch hostiles in the throat. Don’t let the ironic mustaches fool you, every Apple Genius is a well-trained professional assassin, and he can end your life with nothing more than an iPhone charging cable. Thankfully, Bas Rutten knows exactly what to do in this situation, and he wants to share it with you, just in case Jack Bauer isn’t around to help you survive on your own.
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