Aleksander Emelianenko fought on top of a mountain in Russia surrounded by goats yesterday

When someone can venture in a Russian forest to hunt a grizzly bear with a fork, special rules need to be applied if that same person decides to compete in an MMA bout. It’s the only way to level the playing field amongst human beings that aren’t genetically predisposed to owning reality. It’s already established that Aleksander has the power to distort the space-time continuum and can knock people out just by thinking about. In fact, Aleksander’s telepathy is so powerful that he’s even forced people into retirement without landing a single strike. Whenever he’s not bending Dr. Levinson’s time equations, Alek likes to fight guys on the tops of Russian mountains while sheep and other livestock patiently watch.

M-1 Challenge 33 went down yesterday in Russia — or Slovenia. The truth is, no one will get offended by my confusion of Russia or Slovenia aside from Russians and Slovenians. The rest of the world think both cultures are just one big, happy family that has a strong obsession with drinking vodka at odd hours of the day. Check out Aleksander Emelianenko’s bout against Ibragim Magomedov that went down yesterday in Dzheirakh, Russia. Props to Miha Perhavec for the find.

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