Today is a special day in America. It’s the goddamn Batman day. Yup. Batman has a plethora of fancy gadgets and toys, but he also has his own day. Normally it would just be a day to buy a random Bat-logo t-shirt, talk about how your prefer Michael Keaton over Christian Bale to assert yourself as the king meta-Batman fan when really you just come off as an elitist hipster dick, or maybe brush off that copy of the Absolute Long Halloween. This year also just happens to be #Batman75, an event in which DC Comics celebrates the Dark Knight, and continues to tell everyone that Batman was created by Bob Kane, while replying, “Bill who?” Seriously. Google Bill Finger right now. It’s like some Court of Owls level conspiracy shit.
This is where a lot of people would state that what has made Batman such an endearing character over the past 75 years is that he has no super powers. It’s not like whenever he gets into a jam against some of the more powerful residents of the DC Universe he can just throw on a Yellow Power Ring…oh…wait…he’s done that? On more than one occasion? Okay…well still. Hal Jordan, Jon Stewart…and all those other Green Lanterns don’t technically have any super powers without a ring so we can just let that slide. Anyway. People like to paint Batman as an inspirational figure because anybody can be Batman. As former Batman scribe Grant Morrison once said, “Gym and Sherlock Holmes, and you can easily be Batman,” but let me just say this – the idea that “anyone can be Batman” is total bullshit.
Sure we can stretch the limits of our imagination and delude ourselves into thinking that we can train ourselves to physical perfection, and master all of the martial arts. But what everyone seems to [expletive] forget is that Bruce Wayne is a [expletive] billionaire. If you aren’t Donald Trump, Mark Cuban, or Jay-Z then you can’t [expletive] be Batman. I mean…There was a period where I guess Vince McMahon could have been Batman, but then there was that whole thing where the WWE got a good TV deal, and not a great TV deal, so now he’s more akin to Bruce Wayne after losing all of his money in The Dark Knight Rises. Vince doesn’t seem like much of a philanthropist either. However, as certain of his more lewd story lines have suggested he might be a full on rapist. I dunno. He might be a charitable dude, but I haven’t seen anyone post a link on Facebook that I won’t read and just infer misinformation from a headline that is nothing more than click bait, so I can’t say for sure. Dave Walsh would probably know.
Random “Where is he going with this” diatribe aside – Batman is awesome. Batman has always been awesome. Batman will continue to be awesome. So, in honor of Batman Day and #Batman75 check out this awesome infographic courtesy of HalloweenCostumes.com complete with Bat-nipples, but lacking Batman, Inc.