Donald Cerrone got engaged. But don’t expect a cowboy Hollywood ending.

Donald Cerrone is getting married. According to Cowboy, his girlfriend told him to “sh*t or get off the pot” and he did.

Yes, she resorted to a crude but powerful figure of speech. But dropping a resistant deuce into those porcelain-rimmed baptism waters is nonetheless a regretful comparison to the act of offering your unwashed hand in marriage.

On the one hand, this engagement seems like cause for celebration. She is a beautiful girl, and he is a wild Mustang of a man who is about to get saddled and lead into a flowering meadow, in accordance with cowboy fairy tales. On the other hand, it is a worrisome reminder of what happened at the end of High Noon. The town marshal superhero played by Gary Cooper won his fight. He gunned down the entire enemy gang with the help of his pacifist Quaker wife. But as soon as the last guy was dead, he quit. He threw his badge into the dirt, and rode out of masculine existence with Grace Kelly.

Gary Cooper was a cowboy fraud. He left town as soon as he got it right. Thankfully, Cowboy isn’t Gary Cooper. And if he wins his next couple fights, it seems unlikely he will toss that UFC championship belt in the dirt and drive his Just Married RV into the Vegas sunset. That’s because he’s a real cowboy, not some impotent vehicle for clichéd Hollywood romance. Thankfully, his fiancé isn’t a Quaker, so she probably won’t mind.

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