Whatever you think Nick Diaz is doing at this exact moment, he’s not doing it. That’s just using applied statistics. The probability of a person doing or thinking the same thing as you during the same moment is astronomically against you. The best anyone can do is cull historical data and use it to predict what a person is doing at any given time. That’s basically we did in our new list of ‘The Top Ten Curiously Interesting Videos Nick Diaz has Favorited on YouTube.’ Nick Diaz hasn’t exactly embraced social media with open arms. Not at all. It’s more like he’s been taunting social media and slapped it in its face a couple times. However, the 209er has been an active participant of YouTube for nearly five years. We decided to dive into the NickDiaz209 channel and see what we can truly find out about the former Strikeforce welterweight champion.
It’s a shame that I have to explain the science of ‘Blaster Master’ to an entire generation of kids that’s never stepped foot in an arcade or even methodically blew into a NES cartridge in hopes that it would work. Before Kinect, Xbox 360 and Runescape, there was Blaster Master. It was revolutionary simply because it provided the player an option to experience the game both within a vehicle and on foot. That’s right, back in 1988 you didn’t really have to do much to make our heads ignite in amazement.
Blaster Master follows the storyline of every young kid in the late-80s: Boy is in love with frog, frog escapes the oppressive glass container the boy put him in, frog jumps into a radioactive container conveniently placed in the boy’s backyard, frog grows to mythic proportions and burrows deep within the earth, boy irresponsibly jumps in the hole only to find a fully equipped armored vehicle with a giant gun attached and armor in the driver seat. Granted it’s no ordinary gun. Not at all. This one has the unique ability of 360 degree firing for the sake of conquering evil.
I’ve never finished the game. It still remains as an unwritten chapter in my life. What I remember is using an exploit where you shoot a grenade at the first boss, push pause, and while the game is frozen, the boss still takes damage and eventually dies. Perhaps Nick Diaz favorited this video in order to reacquaint himself with perhaps the greatest theme music that’s ever been placed in an 8-bit game. That music is the stuff gods are made out of. That music will make you want to strap on a headband and climb a really tall tree.
This guy I know from the 209 named ‘Brock’ told me that at some point in their life, all 209ers will be handcuffed for a brief period of time. It must be one of those ‘rites of passages’ things that you see on the Discovery channel when tribes force kids to endure incredibly difficult tasks just to be considered a man. The art of escaping handcuffs is something that any reasonable citizen should learn. We’re not saying Nick Diaz has been shackled before, but he’s taking preventive measures — and that should be admired. It’s impossible to ‘be scared, homie’ when you’re ‘prepared, homie.’
Take note, and explore the techniques of escaping handcuffs. Nick Diaz has, and he’s riding an 11-0 winning streak. Coincidence? I think not.
If you’re not familiar with Alex Grey, then you’ve deprived yourself from staring at one of his psychedelic masterpieces while listening to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. If you’ve never done ayahuasca, then you’ve deprived yourself from actually visiting the dark side of the moon while being a psychedelic masterpiece. I’ll try to write the rest of this without consulting Wikipedia or Erowid since I’ve spent the better part of my life listening to every Terence McKenna lecture that’s been released on tape.
Back in the days before modern transportation and television, the shamans of South America used to keep busy by consuming massive amounts of hallucinogenics. These substances would transport the shamans to radically new planes of existence and when they finally ‘return’ back to earth, they will have extracted some sort of esoteric knowledge to bring back to their tribe. This could be anything from finding an apparent cure to an illness, or something as insignificant as recognizing that the back of one’s hand looks mindblowing under the influence of psychedelics.
Through endlessly wandering through the Amazon rainforest, shamans found a vine that was incredibly dense in 5-MeO-Dimethyltryptamine (perhaps the strongest hallucinogenic ever discovered, a derivative of regular DMT which is actually found within your body). However, in order to experience the substance, one would need to combine the vine with an MAO inhibitor so that the psychedelic properties won’t get destroyed in digestion. Somehow these shamans randomly found a leaf that serves as the perfect MAO inhibitor, which was naturally grown hundreds of miles away on the opposite end of the Amazon rainforest. Once both substances are combined, the result is called ‘ayahuasca’ and it will literally transport you to another time and place — just ask Robin Quivers.
For Nick Diaz to favorite this video on YouTube, we’re assuming he already knows the process of ayahuasca — and that’s amazing.
Stop for one second and imagine a thirteen-year-old Nick Diaz jamming out to Sneaker Pimps’ debut album inside his room in Stockton, California. I share the same birthday with Diaz, so I was most likely be doing the same thing. While Portishead may have given birth to the trip-hop movement in the early 90s, Sneaker Pimps undoubtedly defined the genre for years to come. With Kelli Dayton’s vampirish vocals and Liam Howe’s electronica-inspired production, Sneaker Pimps’ ‘Becoming X’ had six singles from the album rise to the top of US, UK and Australian dance charts. The album even went gold, and the video for ‘6 Underground’ became a MTV staple in the mid/late 90s.
So what do you do when you have an incredibly successful album with a singer that every teenager in high-school crushed on? Well, you kick the singer out of the band on your sophomore album and replace her vocals with your androgynous guitar player.
There’s nothing necessarily bad with ‘Splinter,’ Sneaker Pimps’ second album. The video for ‘Low Five’ even starts off with a little slow-motion jiu-jitsu. However, everyone seems to overlook that it’s an incredibly d**k thing to kick out the lead singer of the band just because every photographer wanted to feature Kelli Dayton as the focus of every photo captured of Sneaker Pimps. She can’t help it if she’s uniquely attractive (and she still is). The band went on to create ‘Bloodsport,’ an album that is actually on par with Becoming X.
Since this is MiddleEasy and we have a strong fascination with going deep into details that some may deem insignificant, Sneaker Pimps eventually disbanded in 2005 and Chris Corner went on to create IAMX. The inspiration for IAMX’s debut album seemed to be derived from an exploration in depression, promiscuous sexual practices, casual drug use, the death of religion and a strong questioning against authority. It’s basically a manifesto for everyone in the 209.
Unfortunately, Nick Diaz’s musical interests has never ventured to the many projects that spawned from Sneaker Pimps, including Kelli Dayton’s 2008 album ‘Rocking Horse’ which is so far from the music she created on Becoming X. I’m assuming Nick Diaz favorited ‘Six Underground’ in hopes that the band will one day reunite and reignite trip-hop. Either that, or he’s still obsessed with Kelli Dayton. Both explanations I can totally understand.
If Jon Bones Jones admits to learning moves from fight scenes he’s watched on YouTube, the MMA world can only hope that for his next fight, Nick Diaz will rock a Jheri curl while simultaneously ripping off his shirt and screaming for no apparent reason.
This following fight scene is from a 1993 movie called ‘Undefeatable’ (yes, that’s actually the name of the movie) and according to IMDB, the storyline is equally as complex.
“Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock) avenges her sister’s death at the hands of a crazed martial arts rapist.”
As Miguel Torres and Forrest Griffin taught us, there’s nothing funny with ‘rape’ and ‘martial arts.’ However, when you throw in two grunting men that would much rather prefer to lick knives and forcefully remove their shirts instead of actually fighting, then it’s downright hilarious.
Check out the ‘best fight scene of all time’ from Undefeatable, a clip that Diaz has probably laughed at an innumerable amount of times.
Ayn Rand’s theory of objectivism is so perfect of a philosophy, that it will never be widely accepted in Western culture. According to Rand, the acceptance of God gives humans the right to act irrationally and that by not believing in God, it forces humanity to follow an objective path of reason. I just granted every college student 6-9 credits towards their bachelors in philosophy with that explanation. Essentially, every question that could ever be asked regarding Ayn Rand is just another variation of the answer that I just provided. Don’t believe me, go ahead and try.
Judging from other videos Nick Diaz favorited on YouTube, he appears to be an atheist on the constant exploration of disapproving his own belief. Ayn Rand would appreciate that, and so would every philosophy professor that gave me a ‘C’ at The University of Arizona. Check out this clip of the smartest woman who has ever lived going head-to-head with Phil Donahue in the early 80s.
When I was in after-school daycare, I would lug around a pirated tape of this movie and convince the supervisors to throw ‘Bloodsport’ in the VCR and let our entire class watch it. They didn’t care about the gratuitous violence nor did they worry about the entire premise of the movie, which essentially involves a no-ruled fighting tournament in which the loser is executed by his opponent. The only thing they were concerned about was nudity within the film, and fortunately Bloodsport’s only nude scene is a very brief portion where Jean-Claude Van Damme’s rear-end shows as he pulls up his underwear. Granted, that’s more of a miraculous moment in cinema history than it is ‘nudity.’
Nick Diaz grew up with the same fascination of Frank Dux that everyone else had in our generation. The only thing is, he followed his dreams whereas everyone else settled for a second-rate existence trapped in a cubicle at some job they don’t even like. It’s safe to assume that if Nick Diaz had a theme song for every time he made a public appearance, ‘Fight to Survive’ would be playing in the background.
The fact that Nick Diaz sat in front of his computer and watched this mundane interview regarding antidepressant studies is so incredible — that it’s depressing in itself. Perhaps the greatest thing is if you look at the comment section on the YouTube page, it’s filled with stuff like ‘Stockton 209 bitches!’ and ‘Nick Diaz!’ I’m sure this isn’t what iHealthTube intended, but at the end of the day, if Nick Diaz didn’t favorite this video, no one out there would even know it existed.
When I worked in the produce department of Albertsons just before college, my manager was a stout believer this planet has no core. He believed that it was actually hollow inside and one must enter the inside of earth from the North Pole. There’s actually a name for it. It’s called ‘Hollow Earth Theory‘ and some people believe that explorers in the past have actually visited the ‘inner earth’ and discovered a race of giants that lived in lush gardens in very sustainable temperature.
Sure it’s a theory that could be proven through rudimentary topographical data of the North Pole, however believers in the Hollow Earth Theory claim that no such evidence exists. The reason for the ‘North Pole passage’ is to ‘neutralize the pressure’ between the outer earth and the inner earth.
Look, I can’t pretend like I understand any of this stuff. You should probably watch this video explaining the theory, something that Nick Diaz has watched one afternoon in Stockton, California.
100 years from now, Dan Quinn’s Youtube clips will be studied by historians and they will all collectively agree that he was ahead of his time. Way ahead of his time. Dan Quinn claims that he’s discovered an elixir for eternal youth which also doubles as a fuel source that can save the earth. It’s all based on a cocktail of Stevia, marijuana and ‘pure-h20’. Apparently this mixture has enabled Dan Quinn to have an MMA record of 5-6-1. Now the dude has aimed his bong inspired Youtube rants directly at Nick Diaz.
Originally, my plan was to present you guys with the completed ‘The Saint of Stevia’ film, something that we started on in November 2010. Around this time last year, we released a trailer with the promise that the feature documentary would soon follow. Well, a year later we’re still not done with the project. It’s coming, but so is a lot of other stuff at MiddleEasy. Hopefully this video of Dan Quinn directly addressing Nick Diaz will hold you over until then.