If sex sells, then we’re not sure what Rin Nakai has been doing for the past couple of years in her highly absurd, almost surrealist, Pancrase videos. She may be 16-0, one of the most ruthless 135 lbers out there, and is slated to face Miesha Tate at an upcoming UFC Japan event, but my god does she have some weirdly sexual videos in her repertoire. Here’s a fun little challenge for you MiddleEasy readers out there. Google ‘Rin Nakai’ and find me one picture that isn’t sexualized and erotic. That’s right, you can’t. Even Rin Nakai’s workout videos are her clad in a skimpy bikini as she leans over the workout bench to show her cleavage. Heck, she even videos herself taking a bath.
Therefore in honor of her UFC debut, check out the our list of The Top Ten Most Sexually Bizarre Rin Nakai Videos.
10.) Rin Nakai: The silent Easter Bunny
Rin Nakai and her endless supply of wonderment. That’s a word, ‘wonderment.’ If I was in the breath-freshening game, I would create a product called ‘Wondermint.’ There’s actually an app called Wondermint that’s made for idiots that can’t handle technology. They use technology to make money off of people that don’t understand technology. That’s an inception-level money making scheme right there.
We’re not sure if Rin Nakai fully grasps the concept of technological advanced in society, but she does have a strong appreciation for strange, pink bunny outfits. Heck, she even wore one at her Pancrase weigh-in for her fight against the (formerly) undefeated Brenda Gonzales. But this, this is different.
9.) Rin Nakai dresses like a chick from Soulcaliber and bounces on a ball
It’s pretty amazing how women are depicted in Soulcalibur. Just look at this concept art, it’s like the line to get into Chateau Marmont on a Friday night in West Hollywood. Even though I haven’t played Soulcalibur V, I know the art design. Basically throw voluptuous women in Victorian-punk outfits with a giant over-sized sword that would be completely functionless in real life. Throw some wings on them and voila, you have another female character that is ridiculously overpowered if you button mash.
Rin Nakai decided to become the living embodiment of this phenomenon when she rocked this in his Pancrase video and then decided to bounce on a ball just for the hell of it.
8.) Rin Nakai loves to prepare and eat her meat
Rin Nakai will never be able to beat, prepare, or eat my meat — because I’m vegan, and I’m not down with that stuff. However it’s clear that Nakai loves her animal proteins along with wearing pink and white maid outfits.
Now for all of you chauvinists you can’t say that Rin Nakai needs to get in the kitchen, because she is, and she’s making two massive slabs of meat.
7.) Rin Nakai lifts weights topless
Yeah you read that right, Rin Nakai lifts weights topless, and this video wasn’t obtained through some hidden security footage. We think Rin Nakai volunteered to be in this video, although for all your perverts out there, you can’t really see anything. It’s just her incredibly ripped back pulsating as she lifts weights. There’s something attractive in the video for the straight guys and the lesbian chicks out there, but I’m entirely too confused to appreciate any of it. Have a look for yourself.
6.) Rin Nakai eats at a food court, then gets weird
It’s not the fact that she’s eating by herself in a food court inside some mall in Japan, but it’s that this activity is so important that Pancrase gave Rin Nakai her own theme song like she’s starring in some NBC sitcom from the early 90s.
I’m just waiting for John Stamos to jump from one side of the screen in order to play that ‘crazy but cool’ uncle that everyone loves.
We also have to pay close attention to the outfit Rin Nakai is rocking because let’s face it, she looks like modern-day Clockwork Orange, and if I were a 5’1, 27-year old chick, I would rock that same thing all the time.
5.) Rin Nakai vacuums nothing
If you’re into women with wildly-buff arms vacuuming your carpet then this video of Rin Nakai will appeal to every portion of your disgusting body. Once again you chauvinists can’t tell Nakai to clean the room, because she’s already doing it. See, this Nakai is always one step ahead of your sexiest insults.
Now watch Rin Nakai vacuum a ring that’s already clean, if you’re into that sort of stuff.
4.) Rin Nakai does curls in a corset, just because she can
I had a girlfriend (yes, I really had a girlfriend) that used to pride herself on how tightly she could secure her corset. She was into that burlesque dancing, which meant that every week I would sit in the back of a club and watch guys holler as she stripped down to two little pasties covering most of her torso. I never quite understood why or how she secured her body in one of those respiratory-constraining devices, but she did, only to take the entire thing off at a crowded bar.
Now to rock a corset while doing curls, that’s a different talent in itself. A talent that Rin Nakai somehow nailed in this bizarre Pancrase video.
3.) Rin Nakai eats some white stuff and sits in an office chair
Look, we don’t know what Rin Nakai is eating in this video, and we don’t know why she keeps smiling after every bite, but we’re going to affectionately refer to it as ‘white stuff’ and quietly move on.
Of course just when you think this video is done, Nakai decides to lounge in a chair next to a desk that appears to be located in an abandoned office. Where the heck does Pancrase find those locations, and why aren’t they accompanied with some sort of legal guardian? Everything about this video seems wrong, but here you go, watch it anyway.
2.) Rin Nakai sort of takes a bath, sort of
So if you’ve made it this far then you’re either thinking: 1.) Who the heck did the UFC sign?! or 2.) I love everything about this Rin Nakai! Of course you could always pick 3.) All of the above, however those previous two choices are written in a line, so technically nothing would be above. It could read ‘Everything to the left’ but then that would mean far too much. Human minds aren’t ready to comprehend such directional atrocities.
For some reason I believe this video illustrates a method that Rin Nakai normally doesn’t use to take a bath. I mean why the heck would you wear clothes in a bath tub unless you’re a crazy person — and Rin Nakai isn’t crazy. Rin Nakai isn’t crazy. I had to write it twice in order to trick my mind into believing it.
1.) Two Beetles, One Banana
Rin Nakai, two beetles, and a banana. Your monitor will drown in sexual innuendo once you hit play on this video. You better have a life jacket folks, because you’re going to be neck deep in suggestive themes within seconds of watching this. As far as the meaning of this clip, it’s going to take humanity a few more decades to assemble a proper hypothesis.