A Lesson in Street MMA: Defend Your Sunglasses At All Times Or Lose Them in Combat

It’s hard out there in these streets, especially if you have a short temper and a loud mouth. Not everyone is playing Pokémon GO and frolicking merrily into gardens to collect augmented reality critters. Some dudes are just trying to carry something they picked up at the corner store home, then a wild asshole appears, or maybe both of your are assholes. There are always many lessons to be learned in our violence school segments, but lets start right off and say don’t mess with someone carrying groceries.

Some words are said, one guy seems hopped up on some sort of energy drink or about to commit to some public drinking with a tallboy. These urban warriors touch foreheads in some sort of “shit is about to get real” ritual, both dudes left clearly open for punches (there’s another lesson). That’s when the gates of of hell burst open. Grocery bag man punches Mountain Dew Kickstart man four times in the face, knocking him out and sending him down to the unforgiving concrete. He didn’t even sit down one bag, bruh.

If that wasn’t enough, he lands two soccer kicks that result in Mountain Dew Kickstart man searching for objects that aren’t there. If you’re looking for your shades, they ran off like the invisible fucking man was wearing them. Please remember to be safe and alert at all times, combatants.

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