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A Lesson in Street MMA: Never try to steal a cell phone from a Russian chick

If you had a nickel for every time you heard us mention ‘Russia’ on MiddleEasy this year then you could probably afford that Duchees Honey Bun on the A4 slot inside your vending machine at work. Now it looks like you’re going to have to settle for those Funyuns that taste alright for a couple of minutes until you realize that you’re just throwing your life away. Funyuns are good if you feel like eating onion ring flavored fat — in the shape of a onion ring. If you prefer junk food shaped to imitate vegetables then Funyuns are for you. If that’s your dietary preference then I apologize for offending you. I will now write this article in the shape of an apology and stuff it in an aluminum bag.

In this installment in our complimentary ‘A Lesson in Street MMA’ series, we discover that if you’re in Russia and really need to steal someone’s cellphone — don’t do it to the chick that has every ability to incapacitate you. Props to Spencifer on the news tip, enjoy your 100 points.

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