About two weeks ago I was cooking bacon, eggs and toast at about 2 AM. I was fairly hungry as I had a relatively early dinner eating at 7 PM. So I cook my bacon, then I crack my eggs, put a knob of butter in there. Pro tip, don’t whisk the eggs beforehand or melt the butter in the pan either. This will make the eggs much more runny, also don’t put salt/pepper or anything else until the very end. Anyways, I’m cooking my eggs, they are almost done, I put my basil in there. I go to butter my toast, I grab the butter dish and it was slippery from well… butter. The top falls out of my hand, shatters everywhere and I slice my hand open. The very first thought going through my head was, it’s a good thing it was my left hand so I can still pleasure myself tonight. I had no idea what to do, I washed the cut out and put pressure on it, I started to eat my eggs before they went cold. I wasn’t sure if I should go to the ER or not, the cut was fairly deep but I couldn’t tell how deep it was because every time I opened my hand, my palm would be covered in blood. I asked my friends what I should do, they jokingly told me to cut off my hand.
That got me to thinking, what would life be like without a hand and what I’d choose if I had the chance for a new hand? Well I’ve always liked monkeys but The Simpsons have deterred me from ever having a monkey paw. Having a hook for a hand would be fun for a while, but sooner or later it would cause things to go downhill and downhill fast. I finally settled on Terminator hands, they seem to have the cool factor of the hook and the power of a monkey paw.