Botanists of MiddleEasy, we present you with the Bob Sapp of plants

Right here at the start I want to make it clear that I totally respect Bob Sapp. Dude’s a hustler. A debt-free hustler traveling the world and getting paid. Whatever you think of him in the ring, and I believe there may be psychological issues there, you can’t deny that’s a pretty neat lifestyle. The guy once had over 400 products bearing his name or likeness.

A plant with the face of Bob Sapp would be completely terrifying, but I wouldn’t doubt that it exists in Japan somewhere. When the manufacturers of sex toys want to put Bob Sapp’s face on the end of a dildo, how could you be surprised with a plant genetically engineered to bear his likeness? Unfortunately, that’s not what I present you with today.

Instead, we have a plant which “remembers” in the same way that animals do, in a purely behavioural sense. It also resembles Bob Sapp’s fights in 2013. The mimosa pudica, or touch-me-not, assumes every touch is harmful and folds in on itself, curling into a defensive position. More than that, it can remember which types of toucher are harmful, even months after an initial encounter and in different conditions. So, it curls up when hit by water, but realises this is not harmful and so subsequent encounters with water are treated as favourable. The exact same response of animals with learned responses. The video below is better enjoyed with the sound off, because it’s annoying as hell.

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