You do NOT want to miss UFC Live: Sanchez vs. Kampmann — in 3D!

Anytime UFC airs on a weekday, you’re allowed one free pass to run around your living room in your underwear like a lunatic. Don’t sit there and act like you haven’t done it before. Since this is perhaps the last time I will be able to discuss multi-dimensional media on MiddleEasy in lieu of UFC Live: Sanchez vs. Kampmann being aired live in 3-D, I will mention this 10th dimensional run-down just one last time…

Pretty soon, your cable provider will offer 4th dimensional television in which you will be able to see the progression of time illustrated in some weird elongated tube similar to that scene in Donnie Darko. When television hits 5D, we will be able to see every possible outcome of each fighter. For example, if we were to watch Dynamite!! 2009 in 5D, we would have seen Aoki breaking Hirota’s arm and Hirota breaking Aoki’s arm simultaneously. In 6th dimensional television, if a fighter is not happy with the outcome of a fight they will technically be able to fold the 5th dimension into the 6th and ‘go back in time’ to change his/her actions in the fight to yield a different result. If we all live long enough to witness the emergence of the 7D-TV, it would treat each fight as a single point in space. This point would represent the beginning of the fight and all it’s possible outcomes. Essentially, it would be called ‘the point of infinity’ which would be all possible timelines that could have or would have occurred from the start of the fight. Now in 8th dimensional television, infinity only plays a small role. If you were to watch a fight on your snazzy 8th dimensional television set, you would be able to witness different infinities created with different initial conditions. For example, if we were to assume that the start of the fight is the beginning of a dimensional timeline that would cease to exist at the end of the fight, then in 8D-TV, viewers can see an entirely new universe in which the fight will occur. In this scenario, an MMA fight may start off in Pride rules, fighters may be able to equip weapons in the ring or humans may have developed an extra appendage to beat their opponent with. This will create an infinity that is different from the infinity that is normally associated with the fight. In 9th dimensional television, fighters would be able to jump from one infinity to the next. If Ubereem isn’t happy with his gargantuan size, he can jump to another universe/infinity in which the gravity on earth is lower which will enable him to grow to immense portions and be an even bigger favorite with fanboys on The UG. Finally, if society ever got to witness 10th dimensional television, it gets a little bit tricky. 10D-TV would represent all the possible timelines from all the possible universes from all the possible infinities and treat it as one point. We’re not sure what that would look like on your television but it will most likely result in your TV exploding in pieces of charred shrapnel. Thank you Rob Bryanton for telling me everything I ever needed to know about the 10th dimension.

Any future reference of the 10th dimension will be retired from the site. Bookmark this article if you truly want to know what it’s like to watch MMA in the year 3289. Don’t forget to watch UFC Live: Sanchez vs. Kampmann in 3D tonight on the Versus network for absolutely free.

Published on March 3, 2011 at 10:40 pm