We go paintballing with Phil Baroni and he nearly gets into a fight for stealing a piece of pizza

If you temporarily redirect your fingertips to Urban Dictionary and type in ‘Phil Baroni’, you will get a definition created on May 3rd 2006 that is 100% accurate.

“Phil Baroni is arguably the greatest showman in the history of human fighting. He is the New York Bad Ass and he represents the coolest faction in the fight scene, Hammer House (never bet the house against the Hammer House!). He wears a beautiful robe and sunglasses worth more than the average man’s life. He enjoys dancing to the ring and yelling at referees for touching his hair. He has big muscles and likes to show them off much to the asian/island women’s delight while wearing nothing but daisy dukes. The Baroni style of fighting consists of jiving around for a few seconds then promptly storming in and punching the opponent as hard as possible in the head until they are rendered unconscious; it is time tested and proven highly effective. There is also video evidence of Baroni mocking his opponents screams of pain during post-match interviews. Phil Baroni has a great amateur wrestling background but he refuses to use it because he is a showman and knows what the people want to see. Punching. And lots of it. Phil Baroni has claimed on more than one occasion that he is the greatest fighter in his weight class, which is a no brainer, but Baroni is too humble to say what most everyone else believes, that he is the greatest fighter in any weight class…ever. He also was a male stripper at a go-go bar.”

We didn’t create that entry. In fact, in 2006 I was busy sleeping in basements in the Benelux area of Europe. That’s also a good way to get robbed of your belongings, so please, don’t follow in my footsteps. If anything, you should adopt your boy, Phil Baroni as your new role model. That is, if you want to model yourself after a guy that slays people at paintball and isn’t afraid to claim a piece of pizza as his reward.

A few days ago we went paintballing with Phil Baroni and Jorge Lopez, naturally hilarity ensued. Check out this clip of Baroni nearly getting into a fight with an eight-year-old, that is until the father shows up…

Update: Phil Baroni wants to take this kid out for a pizza party and paintballing, so if you know who this kid is, just let me (or Phil Baroni) know.

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Published on December 7, 2011 at 3:49 pm
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