I wonder what the total is on the amount of doctor bills originating from the epileptic seizures caused by looking at Shinya Aoki’s pants. It’s like the dude sent his pants to the Carebear Art and Science Institute, got them back and rinsed them in a rainbow. If Crayola and Spandex got drunk one night and hooked up, it’s offspring would be Shinya Aoki’s pants.
Just because Shinya Aoki used to rock technicolor, seizure-inducing pants doesn’t mean that he’s not the alpha male. We have to admit that we truly miss Aoki’s vibrant outwear. Those things taught us valuable life lessons — like if you don’t tap out to a Shinya Aoki submission, he will happily break every joint and limb you have in your body. It’s just a fact of life. The second Shinya Aoki grabs you, it’s best to just give up if you value your ability to walk without assistance.
Now that Shinya Aoki is dropping lessons on how to pull off a Banana Split Submission, you will never catch me ordering that dessert again. You shouldn’t either. It’s high in sugar and milk — and we all know milk is the closest thing you can get to consuming the devil and all things unholy.