War Machine. Not that War Machine, but this War Machine. The War Machine formally known as Jonathan Koppenhaver. You may remember seeing him on The Ultimate Fighter: Team Hughes vs. Team Serra in which he depressed half of America by telling a story of when he was 14, he tried to give CPR to his dad, was unsuccessful, and pretty much watched his father die. After getting cut from the show due to a somewhat controversial decision, War Machine went on to sign a 10-fight contract with the UFC. After getting offered names like Brandon Wolff, Mr.Machine (we’re serious, that’s his legal last name) told Joe Silva that he needed better competition and he wasn’t going to fight until he could bang against the big namers. After War Machine’s blog post in which he wished someone would place a bullet between Barack Obama’s head things started to get pretty hectic. He was dropped from the UFC and was somehow cut from Bellator before the dude even fought. War Machine also said that he doesn’t like to be around too many humans.
The story of War Machine over the past two years is somewhat lengthy, but it can be summarized in an MMA fighter, to porn star, to fugitive, to reformed MMA fighter, to selling his kidneys on eBay, to being considered armed and dangerous, to dropping out of a fight due to staph infection, to being imprisoned for a year due to a brawl outside of a club. Since the judge stripped War Machine’s Twitter rights away over the summer, it looks like good behavior has enabled Mr. Machine to continue his elaborate and at sometimes hilarious Twitter blogs and today, he has turned his aim towards Junie Browning and also discusses the story of ‘the big white guy’.
So another fake ass back stabber gets added to the list: Steve Bruno. Him and Junie Browning both have volunteered to be stepping stones on my climb back to the UFC.
On a different note, my old celly is gone. I hope he is able to stay clean and out of trouble. Funny [expletive] is my new celly is GAY! LOL! He’s been in the same module as me the whole time but I never knew it! Now that he lives with me he knows that I’m not a homo-phobe so he told me and holy shit! You wouldn’t believe the stories. I asked him if he’s got any “action” and he’s hooked up with two guys since I’ve been here. Crazy part is one was this skinhead guy and the other a young dude who actually had a hot girlfriend, I saw her at a visit. I wonder if she knows!? Weird, I guess you never know how people are behind closed doors. It’s a trip though. Whatever, it doesn’t bother me as long as no one pulls none of that gay [expletive] on me! lol.
What else, this big white guy came in to our module last night. [Expletive] man… All of us “housed” here are chill, get along great. Then once in a while we get one of these random [expletive] in here. They literally will be here only 2 days and almost start a riot. It took everything in me to not beat his ass! The problem was that he was disrespecting the blacks. The blacks all like me, but if they jump him all the other Whites & Mexicans are gonna jump and you have a riot. All I want to do is stay out of trouble and get on with my life so I pulled kind of a “[expletive] move” and let a guard know what was brewing on the D.L. You can say what you want but it solved the problem.
I’m not about to get dragged into a riot and possibly get new charges over one dumb [expletive]. Long story short, they moved his [expletive] to a different module. Yesterday I got an e-mail from a guy in Russia! I guess someone has been translating my blogs and putting them on a Russian MMA site… Crazy! Cool as [expletive] though! It’s neat to know my words reach so far away. So after I wrote last weeks blog, I got to thinking… I really want to help out other up and coming fighters in their quest for “making it.” It’s really hard working full-time and training/fighting in the early years. So I decided to take a page out of the old Lion’s Den book and start a “Fighter House” along with my gym in Austin, TX.
Once our gym is up and running my partners and I are gonna rent a 3 bedroom house and a van in Austin. We’re gonna keep the pad stocked with basic things like eggs, oatmeal, brown rice, chicken, tuna, and bread. There will be bunk beds in each room and 2 dressers and a couch, big screen, and DVD player in the living room. We’re gonna have try-outs in the weight classes of 145-185. The 6 guys we pick will live in the pad and become a part of our team in Austin. In return, the fighters will be responsible for cleaning the gym, passing out flyers, and covering instructor’s classes when out of town. For extra $, they’ll be able to teach privates to the members/personal train them, whatever. If need be they can work a night or two at one of the local bars or something. No girls, alcohol, or drugs allowed in the house. But yeah, that’s the basic run down of things. There will be a little contract and other details still need to be worked out, but I really like the idea! We’re gonna have great trainers and a great facility, and I really hope we’ll be able to give some guys a “kick-start” into the game while building my team up at the same time. SPREAD THE WORD!
If you were to add ‘stole a NASA Space Shuttle to fly to the moon’ on the list of War Machine’s recent activities, we all should not even be surprised by it. Enough of this Dos Equis guy, War Machine is the most interesting man in the world. Free War Machine! We even have the shirts! [Source]