UFC Fan Admits to Using PEDs to Power Through UFC Fight Night Event

EAST LANSING, Michigan, February 15, 2015 — It was a cold night in East Lansing, Michigan where local sports enthusiast Byron Pelan huddled up in his man cave in his favorite recliner, a locally-brewed IPA in hand watching UFC Fight Night 60: Henderson vs. Thatch. The event featured almost every bout making it into the deep waters of the final round and three of the six televised main card fights went to a decision, the rest were late-round submission finishes.

Pelan considers himself a pretty big UFC fan, having a Chuck Liddell fathead up on his wall next to his Aaron Rodgers one, which he proudly displays to all of his friends when they come over to shoot some pool and pound some brews. Over the last few months less and less of his friends have been willing to make the trek to his home to watch the fights, which has made UFC events a bit less exciting to him.

He cites the biting Michigan cold as a partial reason, but notes that he had a huge Super Bowl party this year and that his friends never missed a Sunday at the Pelan Man Cave, regardless of the cold or snow. In a shocking admission of guilt, Pelan admitted that he has growing concerns with the UFC’s drug problem, comparing it to Sammy Sosa and Mark McGuire’s quest for home run dominance over ten years ago and how both men were “juiced to the gills.” He also admitted that he started to fade halfway through Dan Kelly and Michael Prazeres’s three round scrap.

“You know, I don’t really know who either guy is,” he admitted. “I want to keep up, though, but neither guy was really doing it for me.”

What he admits to next just shows how much of an epidemic there is in the world of Mixed Martial Arts and PEDs. “Look, I mean,” he let out a labored sigh. “I had to drink a Rockstar energy drink to stay into it. Otherwise I was afraid that I’d fall asleep. It was nothing against the action, just that I had a long week and the beer was hitting me pretty hard. I don’t think that it’s a big deal. I just needed a little help is all.”

That “little help” was undercutting the men in the ring, that “little help” is what these athletes look for everyday in the gym. This reporter is torn on the issue, but hopes to find answers and solace in Dana White’s words on Wednesday.

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