If you’ve already thrown your cellphone across the living room, locked your doors, changed your voice-mail to something along the lines of ‘I’m dead, don’t call me this weekend’ and your fridge is filled with enough beer to make an entire third world country pray to the porcelain gods…then you’re ready for UFC 104. Lyoto Machida vs. Shogun Rua or as we really know them by…Lyoto ‘The Last Dragon’ vs. Shogun ‘The Shogun of Harlem’ Rua. When I first mentioned this, people said it was genius. No, genius would be finding the person that took my Corona last night. That guy should get a nobel peace prize. So when the Shogun vs. Machida fight was announced a few months ago, everyone’s head detonated in sheer excitement leaving a bloody mess for their roommate to clean up. I managed to keep my head intact and realized that having The Dragon vs. Shogun Rua was synonymous to Berry Gordon’s film that pitted The Last Dragon vs. The Shogun of Harlem. If you weren’t born in the early 80s, I suggest you find the nearest flux capacitor equipped Delorean (or alternatively you can yell at your mother for not having premarital sex much earlier). Here’s a brief summary of ‘The Last Dragon‘.
Sho’Nuff, the Shogun of Harlem ruled New York by breaking into movie theaters and terrorizing patrons with his Kayne West sunglasses and outfits made by the costume designer from Mortal Kombat. He also ruled the streets with something known as ‘The Glow’ which just makes everything you touch have a corresponding sound effect and a neat red LED glow. People were afraid of The Glow until Bruce ‘The Last Dragon’ LeRoy starts macking on this really hot chick and coincidentally protects the streets at the same time. Something happens with a boombox that eventually leads to a showdown between Sho’Nuff and Bruce LeRoy in an abandoned factory (give or take a few hundred pivotal plot scenes). After getting his head repeatedly dunked in a barrel of something (we’re thinking its rawesomeade), The Last Dragon gets his glow back and uses some weird blue lightning to defeat The Shogun of Harlem. To top it off, dude catches a bullet in his teeth.
So we expect something similar to that going down in the octagon…hopefully.
We also have Kyle Kingsbury vs. our dude, Razak ‘There’s no way you’re tapping me out, just break my arm…screw it, I’ll buy another‘ Al-Hassan. Yoshida vs. Rumble Johnson. Rumble came 6lbs over at the weigh-ins yesterday and instead of trying to cut for a second time, Yoshida agreed to fight him (while nabbing 20% of his fight purse regardless of the outcome). We also have a little training partner vs. training partner action with Pat Barry vs. Antoni Hardonk. Expect this one to end with someone’s foot lodging directly into someone’s eye and their big toe saying ‘hello’ to their opponents brain. Chase Gormley and his 6-0 record is also rocking it out against Stefan Struve and ironically, Gormly was supposed to fight Ben Rothwell at Affliction: Trilogy. Instead, Rothwell landed the co-main event against Cain Velasquez which could be a fight to determine who will battle for the heavyweight title (well, just before Big Nog has his shot). If you’re too broke to drop $59.95 on UFC 104, Spike TV will be airing two prelim fights live at around something o’clock. Alright, time to board up my windows and padlock my doors…there’s no way my functional alcoholic neighbor is ruining this for me tonight.