Throwback Thursday: Relive the time Onnit challenged a guy to survive three minutes with Michelle Waterson

According to Joe Rogan and Neurologically Juiced Super-Ceo Aubrey Marcus, Onnit supplements are your edible fast track to Total Human Optimization™. Alpha Brain, for instance, includes a blend of acetylcholine-boosting nootropics designed to boost your memory, focus and mental clarity. But has Marcus really dialed in a legitimate long-term solution for workday mental deficits? Sure, that fancy ingredient Huperzine A inhibits acetylcholinesterase, but what does that mean, exactly? Will it help me in a fight against, say, three silverbacks, a game pit-bull and a bull moose with six months sprawl training?

As a way to begin answering that question, Marcus offered a few hundred bucks to a guy named Sean last May to see if he could survive three minutes in a ring with Michelle Waterson. Unfortunately, the experiment had a few problems. First, there was no telling whether Sean was jacked up on Alpha Brain during the match, or if he entered the ring like the rest of us: a Beta-level human with little to no brain activity. But more importantly, Sean wasn’t allowed to hit Michelle, whereas she could unload vicious Karate blasts on his unprotected body and padded face.

The match starts at 5:10. What did it prove? In my opinion, it proves nothing at all. But the comments on YouTube were a bit harsh. For instance, presumed ladies’ man 1ceYourPimpHand concluded, “This shows how much WMMA is a joke. He can’t do anything back yet she still couldn’t do any big damage. Let both of them strike and she wouldn’t had (sic) lasted 10 seconds.”

But bear in mind, the point behind this exercise was not to test Waterson’s MMA skills against a male opponent who clearly outweighed her significantly. Moreover, it’s a tad unfair to critique her inability to cause “big damage” in a match involving gloves and clunky headgear. No, this match probably proved nothing at all about WMMA, about Onnit, about Joe Rogan, or about the odds a man has against a pack of wild monkeys while alone on a desert island with nothing but 500 mg of Alpha-GPC and a mitt full of Chinese Club Moss. 

Either way, I know I’m probably not Alpha enough to survive three minutes with Michelle Waterson. Maybe three seconds. Maybe.

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