In 2009 we discovered BJ Penn trained with Aquaman and spliced some of his DNA into his own in order to be able to hop out of pools without using his hands. From that day, the question of whether BJ Penn trained was laid to rest (but the question of whether his genetic code has been modified is still up for debate). Later that year, it was revealed at Professor Xavier’s Institute for Higher Learning that BJ Penn graduated with the ability to put his leg around his neck without using his hands. Professor X expected BJ Penn to be able to remove his torso and replace it with a box of Frosted Flakes at some point in 2012, but it appears that BJ Penn has permanently retired from the sport we all loved to see him lick his gloves in.
Last night, Josh Koscheck tweeted that the UFC offered him a welterweight bout with BJ Penn, despite The Prodigy expressing a multitude of times that he has retired.
This morning, BJ Penn refused to stay within the bounds of Twitter’s 140 character limit and used Twitlonger to express that he has no intention to come out of retirement anytime soon. Unfortunately, BJ Penn failed to recognize that Josh Koscheck actually owns a private plane in his overly long tweet.