The takedown technique of the week goes to…Lady Gaga’s bodyguard

In an attempt to fix one computer, I severely screwed up two computers. At the moment, I would benefit greatly from a time machine so I can undo my silly mistakes. If I combine both broken computers together, they will probably transform into one normal computer. That DNA splicing machine from The Fly could do the job. The only problem is computers don’t have DNA yet. We have to wait for that nonsense to be invented, which is exactly why I need a time machine to speed up that process.

If I only had Lady Gaga’s bodyguard, he could throw my computer down and shatter it into useless pieces. Granted in order for that to occur, my computer would need to be an autonomous being with a strong obsession with Lady Gaga. It would need to have DNA, which brings back the necessity of a time machine. So theoretically, if I owned a time machine I would take my broken computer far enough into the future so that scientists can replace its lifeless body with genetic code, then travel back in time to yesterday so that my now DNA-infused computer can walk up to Lady Gaga only to be shattered by her bodyguard, leaving me in the exact position that I’m already in — with a broken computer. That’s the worst idea ever. I’m writing a screenplay about it today.

Check out this clip of Lady Gaga’s bodyguard putting the smackdown on some overly-anxious fan in Romania yesterday.

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